Updated: Aug 27, 2020
Hello friends, The Professor asked me to write an essay about my experiences dealing with nudity & sexuality, how it was handled when I was young and how my husband and I are going about it with our family. It was first posed over a year ago and posted again about six months later. It received a good reception, but readers seemed to want more information. So, in this, much longer, revised version, I've added and interview with my two children and a narrative of a recent week at our home. I hope my effort will help others when making parenting decisions.
My Sex-Positive Parents
I suppose that I should introduce myself. I'm a married woman, married to the same man for twenty five years. We have two kids, a son and his older sister. Both are in their teens. We're a normal family. We both work, the kids do well in school. We live in an average home in an average Mid-Western community. We are about is "middle-America" as you can get.
So, how are we unusual? Well let me start with a little more background about me. My parents are both elderly, but still living. They celebrated 50 years of marriage past November. They live nearby and I try to help them as much as I can. I have a younger brother and sister. I'm the oldest child, my sister is the youngest and is eighteen years younger than I am. I was always sort of an extra mother for her, and when I got married, my husband also became a semi-parent. Though there's a huge age difference with us we have become best friends. Sadly My brother and his family live far away, so I do not get to see them as much. So far we sound pretty normal right? Maybe we are. But one interesting thing about us, is that we are nudist, or naturist as some will say. My parents have been committed nudist as far back as I can remember. To this very day both my siblings are nudists and go in the nude every as much as they can.
As I understand it, both my parents grew up going in the nude on a regular basis at home. My Nana (grandmother) would always tell me that from the time she was small, my mother liked to be naked more than to wear clothes. Her family growing up weren't nudists, but they were no stranger to family nudity. So while most parents make their kids get dressed when they discover the joy of going naked, my grandparents did not. That one decision on their part changed my life, and the life of my children.
My parents, brother and sister are all nudist to this day. In my life I’ve met people that would go nude on vacation or visit nude beaches occasionally. But for us being nudist was a central part of our life. (key statement)
Growing up our normal routine was pretty standard. We only had one full bath in our house and you can imagine in a house full of nudists, it would make a chaotic situation even more crazy. The whole family would be naked. No one really ever bothering to cover up. My dad would get ready for work and my siblings and I for school. My mother was a stay at home parent and if she had no place to go, she'd spend the day nude. When we got home, the clothes would come off almost immediately. We'd have a snack, do homework, maybe some chores or play outside in our fenced-in backyard, and be nude the whole time. At night we'd watch television, talk, play, or read in the living room and we'd be naked. From about the age of five or so I slept in the nude. It was (and still is) wonderful. On weekends or in the summer we'd send days on end bare butt. Of course living in the upper Mid-West it is very cold in winter so we didn't exactly stay naked when we played in the snow.
We would also visit nudist resorts all over the place in the summer time. My early experiences in social nudism helped me realize that for other families nudism was normal as well. Additionally, my parents had a small cottage on a lake. Skinny dipping and just sitting around talking on the porch in the nude was pretty normal. So from a very early age we learned the liberating feeling and joy from spending time nude both at home and in other appropriate venues. Nudism was never forced on us, but we were never made to feel ashamed of our bodies. When we were very young our parents made decisions for us, like some families expect that everyone puts on their Sunday best for church, we were expected to be nude at home or when the family went to nudist places. But as we became older, that choice became ours. We all chose to stay naked. Both of my siblings are nudist to this day. At some moments in our teen years there was some push back against family trips to the nudist camps. Not because we did not like going nude in public, but because we were growing up and we had our own extracurricular activities that didn't involve the rest of the family. But there was never a point where any of us stopped loving going nude when we could.
I came of age in the 1980’s. My parents were baby boomers, not hippies, but their views on sex was to bring it out in the open. Thus in our home environment, my parents also never hid their sexuality from us. I think they saw it as a logical extension of their views on natural living. My mom was (and still is) very sexual and my dad loves that about her. For instance, they never thought to shut their bedroom door when they were having sex. They saw no need to conceal what they saw as the physical dimension of affirming their love to one another. When I was little, I thought nothing about the fact I routinely saw my parents playing in bed. For that matter it was just as normal and not worthy of notice when Mom to touched her vagina while watching TV. When asked why she rubbed herself like that she calmly said told us she did it just because it felt good. The same way she told us that the reason my dad’s penis got big and stood upright was because he liked being with her.
As I went through puberty and into my teen years, my understanding of what they were doing when the interacted sexually and why they did it became more and more complete. Since Mom was nudist, it was no great leap when she first told me directly how I too could touch myself they way she did. She explained how with practice it would being to feel amazing. It seemed quite normal that she showed me the ways she most liked to touch her pussy, her boobs and the rest of her body. Sure, I eventually would have learned it on my own. Since all this, including my enjoyment of pleasing myself was quite literally out in the open in our house, as I got older and began to really enjoy masturbating whenever and wherever the urge took me (while at home). Of course since I saw no reason to limit playing with myself to my bedroom, Mom and my siblings could not help but seeing me.
It was quite an awakening when I realized my friends home life was so different than my own. Then (as now) I could not understand why one spouse became so enraged when the other enjoyed sexual interaction with other people. In my home, at least once a month my mother talked right at the dinner table, with graphic detail about the sex she’d had that day with one of her lovers. Just like nudism, non-monogamy is also multi-generational in my family. Not only has my grandmother has my grandmother been open about the fact she enjoys having sex with men besides by grandfather; my Mimi (great grandmother) ran afoul of the Catholic church for divorcing her abusive husband. And was she a celibate widow? Not a chance. Nor did she pretend be. She continued to be sexually active for many, many, decades. With how many men? No one in my family has a clue. But we do know her long string of boyfriends continued right into her 90's. She never did really settled down with anyone.
So, when Mom, right over dinner, would tell us all about stem-winding sex with some hot man (or woman) that day, not only did Dad not get mad hearing about it, he almost always got an erection. More than once the dinner ended early so they could fuck. Yet, to my friend’s parents having sex with a lover was a cardinal sin. That seemed so stupid to me.
Sure my parents occasionally fussed, but I saw them make love far more often. Seeing them fucking several times a week, in every way imaginable, was very reassuring to me. My home was not anything like the awful places my friends described. Even when they weren’t actually screwing Mom would have his dick in her hand stroking him. It was really quite nice. Even before I’d entered high school I’d decided I wanted a marriage like my parents, and not like those of my friends. How many times I redoubled that commitment as I consoled my friends for their awful home lives I do not know.
Claiming Sex-Positivity As My Own
This was in the Reagan era when there was a public backlash against free sexuality. Increasingly the school environment became hostile to teenage sex. While fortunately my state did not adopt the “abstinence only” form of sex education, there was still a pervasive attitude that having sex as a teenager was not only wrong, but it would harm your life. There was a deliberate effort to portray sexually active girl as underachievers and headed to teen pregnancy and failure. Of course, that was a lie, and I knew it even then. In high school, I was actually a very good student, if I say so myself. I was in orchestra, cross country and I was the editor of my school yearbook. But contrary to stereotypes, I did all this while enjoying a very active sex life.
While I continued to masturbate watching my parents on occasion, I had progressed from solo sex, to sex with partners. My parents gave me a safe space at home to explore and enjoy sex with others. Even before I first had sex my parents let me know that while sex was a normal part of my teenage years, they wanted me to be safe. So the rules were simple, I could have sex if I used protection and kept the door open. So, naturally I had a string of boyfriends and as well as a couple female friends with whom I’d would play in my bed.
I was 14 years old when I decided I was ready to have sex. Of course I told my mother that very day. She was not the least upset. She said she was excited for me and we talked a bit in explicit detail of what I wanted to do. She not only booked me a doctor’s appointment to get me on birth control, but we began a whole series of discussions about things we’d never talked about before. We began with who I wished to be to be my first. Then we went on to things like how to let a boy know I wanted to fuck, and what to do once we were in my bedroom. These and other such things were outside my experience. Mom said for at least the first visit that she would be covered up, but that any guests should know that we’re nudist and that they would see the human body eventually here. Mom and Dad let it be known that the door must remain fully open as long as my playmates were there. Some of my friends actually hung out in the nude. And one or two were brave enough to go nude around my family.
Of course, Mom and my brother & sister all peeked in when my playmate couldn’t see. It was actually fun to make eye contact with Mom while I had sex, the same way we did when she had sex. The fact that she made a point to let me know she was aware of what me and my boyfriend or girlfriend were doing and gave me a big smile every time was immensely supportive as I was developing my sexual skills. My little sis though thought it was just fun. She liked being the precocious young girl and later when I was in college, she got a little crush on Joe (my husband). He was a good sport about it and they are good friends to this day.
One memorable time was when a girl from my high school and I were licking each other’s pussy like crazy. We doing sixty-nine, but I could see the doorway out of my room. First, I saw Mom watching and then Erik, my brother, peeked in with her. I could see that he was fully hard. Mom shooed him away and then left herself. My friend was quite good at pleasing my pussy with her tongue and didn’t notice they were there and left. I immediately went back to eating her out. Five minutes later Erik came back, still sporting a boner. The whole situation was very erotic and a licked and fingered her to an big orgasm while she did the same to my pussy. The whole scene was sensory overload to Erik and he came too. He actually came into my room and was so close that when he ejaculated, some of his load landed on my foot. It was the hot cum landing on me that caused me to look lover to where he was standing. I saw him shoot his last bit of cum before beating a surprisingly quiet and hasty retreat. It was all I could do not to laugh.
By the time I finished high school, I was extremely confident in my sexuality. Somehow I just assumed when I got to college all my friends on my floor at the apartment would be as confident and experienced as I was. They weren’t, I found myself as the guru on my floor for all things sexual. I really liked that role.
Leading Joe to Become Sex-Positive
Even while my friends all assumed I would settle down and become monogamous once I found the right guy; I was actually quite committed that when I had a husband and a family of my own, I would retain my right to have sex with whomever I chose and I would raise my kids the exact same way I was. There was one problem though. The man I would eventually decided was “the” guy wasn’t even a nudist when we met…hell, he hadn’t even had a skinny dipping experience with friends growing up. Not only that, he was extremely inexperienced with sex when we met. What little sexual experience he’d had was hurried and beset with guilt. He was raised in a strict Catholic home. Open nudity at home was simply beyond the realm of conception. A lifestyle of living in the nude was, to him, like science fiction. And sex that was out in the open was an image from Dante’s Inferno, not real life.
Here is a very funny episode of Joe’s transition into becoming part of my family. The first time he slept over at the house I grew up in, I had already moved out for college and my parents turned my bedroom back into a first floor TV room. So Joe and I slept nude, of course, in the living room on an air mattress. That morning Joe and I were just starting to get busy when Mom came in. She asked how long we’d be because she was going to make breakfast. I told her that after I was done sucking his dick I planned on having him go down on me. Laying on the air mattress, his big tool in my hand I told my mother “He’s a genius at licking pussy while he fingers me to I cum. I can usually make it to two orgasms before I just gotta have his dick in me. Really Mom, he is an amazing lover.” When I was done taking, Mom just smiled and said “So over an hour then?” She watched for a bit as I worked on the head of his rather large penis, said something like “I can see why my daughter likes you show much.”
He was in a state of shock for a moment. But I got back to work. And as predicted he gave me two great orgasms and then bent me over and came in me. I’m pretty sure everyone in the house heard us. Mom was always peeking in too. Not to be rude out to pry, but more almost supportive. My sister would also watch Joe and I often. She is 18 years younger than me. As she got older she developed a little crush on Joe. That was definitely not the last time they saw us having sex…after all we were just home for Thanksgiving break.
As Joe and I became more serious, I had to make a hard decision on how committed I was to having a non-monogamous marriage. I loved how my parents were free to experience sex with others outside their marriage and still enjoyed a happy marriage that was full of sex. Because they didn’t insist on monogamy they enjoyed sex with each other more and were happy together. Yet, I also knew I might be forced to choose between my parents version of marriage and Joe who expected to live out his parents vision of marriage. Until then I’d never really faced the reality that I might have to make such a choice if Joe was not willing to adopt my family’s lifestyle.
I told Joe fairly early on that I would not compromise my nudist lifestyle one inch. We would not be vacation nudists or summer time nudists. Or even people that visit a nude beach. We would be in the nude all the time. It would be the defining aspect of our lives. That was the easy part. The harder part was that he also needed to come to grip with the fact that while my heart would always belong to him, my pussy would be fucked by others. My body would always be my body and I had every intention of sharing with other men (and women) when I chose to. But at the same time I made it clear that I would never I make any claim on sole rights to his dick. After all, with Joe possessing such an amazing dick, it would be terribly selfish of me to deny the other women of the world access.
I know a lot of men reading this would be like, where do I sign up? But I am quite sure that such feelings would evaporate quickly if faced with the choice Joe had to make all those years ago. He loved me, but in the world he came from men expected that no man would ever touch “his” woman once they were married. Yet, I was stating clearly even as we were dating that I let him know if, for instance my roommate’s hot boyfriend wanted to screw, I would do it. Not only that, I was saying I would continue to do so even after we were married. For almost all men that is simply something they could not even consider. It took some time. The first time, after we were a real couple, that I told him that I’d had sex with another man…
At first Joe was definitely a little stand offish, even bordering on jealousy. Then when I came home, I got naked and used my feminine charms and I sat down next to him. I started stroking Joe’s dick and he wanted to know how my date went. I started to tell him and as I did, his amazing cock got harder and harder. He was getting more turned on. Even though I was well fucked I couldn’t resist his election and I took turns sucking Joe’s dick and giving him a blow by blow. My pussy was still wet from my earlier encounter, but that didn’t stop me from getting the fucking of my life from my future husband. I came twice by Joe’s dick ask the while telling him another man’s dick fucked his future wife’s pussy. He finally filled me with his cum when I told him that one of my hot co-workers wanted him to fuck her with his monster cock.
A few weeks later he came home a Sunday morning after being out with that woman all Saturday night fucking her brains out. She was coming out of a bad relationship. And I had told her what a great dick Joe had a that he was a talented lover. She had met both Joe and my sex partner and knew that Joe was a willing participant in my nudist life and open sexuality. She admitted to me hearing how we were engaged and he made no claim to the exclusivity of my pussy and I made no claim on the exclusivity of his cock that this was a huge turn on to her. She later told that he was the best dick she ever had. They even did it a few days before our wedding.
So we did have a bump in the road early in, In time however, and with the help of talking to my dad who also had to accept this arrangement, Joe came to not only accept the idea of a committed yet sexually open marriage; but he fully embraced it. He realized that me fucking other men and women was not an attack on his manhood, but increased both our sexual possibilities and opened up so many experiences that he only read about. Once he did that he found it changed his entire conception of marriage and family.
So during our courtship Joe and I had numerous discussions on our future. I have to say that I was unwavering in my passion for nudism. I knew that as a nudist my childhood was just plain better than that of my textile counterparts. I was happier about my body. I was happier around my parents and I was happier with my friends. I was open with my body and closed to body shame. Plus I was having great sex! Just the many and varied ways that I knew how to masturbate my pussy and enjoy my entire body was out of this world. I loved jilling off watching Mom and Dad do their thing.
I knew the only way to raise my future family was as nudists. Our kids would have zero body shame and nut have these fucked up notions of what bodies looked like. My kids would see us having sex. It would not be hidden, but a natural part of life. My kids would know how we enjoy our bodies and know how to please their bodies without shame. And that’s what we set about doing.
The Professor, in his Sex-Positive Parenting series, posted a cartoon about he and his wife being interrupted by their kids during sex, yet they did not try to hide what they were doing. That was how I grew up. Now we have two wonderful children and our own home and we live in the nude.
We go to resorts, a few beaches, and visit friends and family that are nudists. Like I had done growing up, we are naked almost all the time at home.
Our home is much the same as my parents was in regard to our approach to sex. I recently saw a video about how public schools in the Netherlands approach sex education in a direct and shame-free way. Their approach is very similar to what we do at home now, except we're nudists. We talked to our kids about sex from very a early age but in ways that they could understand. We answer their questions, all of them, but we put the language down to a level they could understand. Of course, growing up in the internet age, they had more direct and varied questions at a younger age than kids in my generation.
Again like my parents, my husband and I don't hide our sex life from them. When we get in the mood, we just tell them we're going to do it. I have to say that there have been innumerable times when we've been interrupted having sex by one or both of them. These interruptions have ranged from anything to breaking up a sibling rivalry S-P Moment, question about dinner, shopping trip and even specific questions about the sexual act they saw us engaged in.
Oh the life of the parent. Probably the one difference between my parents and us is that we have sex outside the bedroom. I think teenage pregnancy, sex addiction, porn addiction, sexual assault, misogyny and many other ills are made worse or caused by America's puritanical view on sex and the body. Bringing it all out in the light of day is good for everyone. So years ago we decided not to hide our sexuality from our children. They have grown up around us having sex. Most of the time they know what we're doing and go about their business. This is even true if we are having sex outside the bedroom somewhere around the house. When one of them walks in the living room while my husband and I are having sex on the couch; it is not unusual for them to take a seat in the Lazy-Boy and turn on the television, and/or play with their smart phones while we continue making love. Can they see in explicit detail what we are doing? Of course; but, since they've seen us having sex since were toddlers, it holds no interest for them. OK, I can't say it never holds any interest for them and I can't say they have never watched us, but it only takes a minute or two before they get board. I can safely say with confidence that our sexual activities rarely hold any interest for either of them. More than once they have both been in the living room and my husband and I had to stop right in the middle of some hot and sweaty sex to break-up an argument because out two children want to watch different things on the television. It is just a normal part of our home life.
A Week in our Sex-Positive Home
I once read an article discussing how often people have sex at different ages. As I recall, it said that the “average” 20 year old female has intercourse four times a week, and those at the 90% percentile have sex six times a week. The numbers go down as the person ages. My husband and I are in our late 40's and it said that the average person our age engages in sex with another person twice a month. According to the article, only 10% of people our age group fuck more than four times a month.
Well, I told my husband, Joe, about it and we both laughed. We must