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In Search of the Final Freedom: Chapter 42 (part 1)

Updated: Apr 4, 2023

In Search of the Final Freedom: An Erotic Socio-Political Novel


Raising the Revolutionary Flag of a Sexual Freedom

Chapter 42

Author’s note: At long last, I’ve finished not only Marcy’s tale but the mother-daughter trip.

As you will see, this long chapter deals with sensitive and difficult issues of personal autonomy, consent, and exploitation. It was due to the nature of these issues that it has taken me three months just to do the re-write. At nearly 50K words and twenty-one illustrations, this chapter is effectively a book in itself. While I know that is way too long for a single chapter, I did not want to break the story up, so as I did with chapter 41, I will cut it into two pieces.

I know I will not please everyone on how I deal with these touchy subjects, but it is the best I can do with my skills.


Marcy “Slosh” Hidelman

Once Trish had pulled the van back on the highway north toward Georgia, Marcy asked, have you guys had enough of hearing about my life? Or do you want me to go on?”’

Not surprisingly she was asked to continue.

“After that first long talk with Aunt Margarete, my perspective was never the same. As time went on, she more and more became the second mother to me that she once had been. Like I said before, when she passed, my mother and I both lost someone we loved deeply and dearly.”

Marcy sucked up her breath and started again. “In the second week of rehearsals, the cast and crew began to show signs of working together as a team. I should note that up until then, I’d never had a boyfriend. Over the prior year, my body and sexuality had been rapidly evolving. I had discovered orgasms and was masturbating most nights, but I didn’t know where to go with the new desires that I didn’t fully understand. I’d made out with a boy at the spring dance at school. I had even given him the hint that I wanted him to put his hand under my blouse. He got as far as cupping my breast inside of my bra and I wanted him to go further but we got caught by a teacher. So, while actually having sex wasn’t in my immediate plans when Mom told me she wanted me on the pill; my sexuality had already awakened. My guess is my mother saw that in me, even if I couldn’t articulate it yet. She also knew that given the environment I was entering; my sexual desires would fully manifest themselves faster than I realized. I did not slowly ramp up my sexual journey over a period of a year or two before I began having vaginal sex. I went from ‘go’ to ’all-the-way’ in one week.”

“The ’go’ point for my sexual journey was the Monday after I first spent the night with Aunt Margarete. About 8:00, Karl and I had a fairly long downtime so we stepped outside. We didn’t go far from the door because the industrial warehouse complex was a rather scary place at night. I’m not sure exactly who initiated it but we made out for the first time. After that dance the month before where the chaperone prematurely ended my first experience of a boy’s hand on my breasts; I wasn’t going to be denied. I unbuttoned my blouse and pulled up my bra to make sure he got the point and access.”

The girls laughed.

“To my surprise, he wasn’t nervous at seeing my bare breasts and it made me feel good for him to say how pretty they were. I will never forget when his lips closed on my nipple the first time. I almost jumped out of my skin. It didn’t last nearly long enough because I had to keep track of time and not miss when I was called to the stage. However, we got a second chance to slip out, and I hurriedly opened up my shirt for him again as soon as we were out the door. The next night I was in his pants. I’d never seen, let alone touched a penis before that. Again, he knew what to do. We kissed while I jacked his dick until he said he was close, he suggested I kneel down. My shirt was already open and my bra over my breasts and when he ejaculated on me, I was startled, but it made me feel quite grown up.”

The girls laughed again.

“I was surprised his semen was hot. I’d never thought about that. After he’d cum on my boobs, I didn’t know what to do, but he did. Not only did he show me that he knew a lot more about sex than I did; but what he did after he’d cum made me feel even better than bringing him off. He, without even putting his half-hard dick away, lifted me up and spread the semen over my breasts before using it as lube to tweak my nipples. I went weak in the knees at that. He caught me and kissed me long and deep. Because he was taller than me, I could feel his dick on my stomach. I can still remember how the residual semen made it sticky. To me, that was so very sexy. He leaned down and sucked my breasts, even though they were covered in his semen. When we kissed again, I could taste the cum on his lips and could feel that his dick was fully hard again as it pressed on me. In my mind, I wondered why that part wasn’t in any of the romance novels.”

The girls all laughed.

Marcy laughed too “At that moment, a thought, one that quite literally had never been in my head before, came to me. I wanted to have sex. I wanted him to put his penis in me. I wanted it so much that it shocked me.”

Haley said “I bet so. So did you pull your pants down and bend over?”

“If I’d known that was all I needed to do, I would have. But once again, I have to remind you this was way before internet porn and I only knew what I’d learned in sex-ed. I didn’t know about the practical side of sex. If I’d known what to do, I most definitely would have had him screw me right then and there; but I didn’t; although that was when I decided for sure I would have sex with Karl as soon as I could work out how to make it happen. Starting that night I finger-fucked myself every night imagining it was Karl.”

“The next night, Wednesday, about an hour into rehearsal; Kathern Biggs, who had the part of Miranda and was a sophomore at Northwestern, came over to me during a break. She said she thought I was doing a great job and asked how things were going for me. It seemed like she wanted to say or ask something but didn’t know how. After chatting for a bit, she told me how impressed she’d been at my coolness when I had auditioned in the nude. She said she’d been there for all four of the other auditions and was surprised she had been convinced that I was the right choice for Ariel. Then she blurted out that she thought my dance was really sexy and she thought that I had been the only one who really seemed comfortable with going naked on stage. She asked if my family were nudists or something like that. I had to laugh. I just told her what my mom had told me that my body was my tool, and I was just using it for the job. That seemed to impress her. Then she let me know that I’d done a good job so far of soothing the hurt feelings of those who had wanted the part. Just before she walked off, she told me that she wanted to give me a heads-up. She quickly said that at the next break she and her boyfriend, Len, were going to kick-start the group into loosening up. She ended by stating that given my relationship with Karl and Margarete, she was sure I would be into watching them. I had no idea what she meant.”

“Remember, I’d always done children’s productions. I had no experience with adult theater or even spending time around college students before. On Monday, I’d seen a couple making out in the backstage area and they didn’t try to hide her hand was down his pants. But that was hardly new, I’d seen couples doing that even at my prior productions; though of course they didn’t do so right out in the open. Perhaps that was what inspired me to make out with Karl. About an hour later, I’d just finished working on one of my scenes and was headed backstage. As usual, Karl was waiting for me, and, for some reason I reached out and took his hand so we walked back as a couple. It was the first time we’d done that. From then on, without even a plan to do so, we were an item.”

“The only things in the backstage area in those first weeks were a pair of tables end to end with a dozen folding chairs around them. We’d already been reminded that evening that even with the bats of insulation that had been tacked to the wall that separated the stage from the backstage; we had to be quiet back there so as not to disturb those who are on stage working. There were nine people at the long table talking very quietly. On the far side of the table, Kathern was sitting in Len’s lap, facing him. I could see her pants were draped over the chair beside them, but she was his girlfriend so that was not so odd. I understood that was what she’d warned me about.”

Haley asked, “So were they screwing right in front of everyone?”

“Remember, I was fourteen and this was way before the age of internet porn. So I had no idea why her pants were off. Yes, today I’d suspect his pants were open and they were having sex, but back then, that idea didn’t even enter my mind. Len’s back was more or less toward me as I came in, so she was facing me. When she saw us, she invited me to sit beside her. Only when I pulled back the chair over which was folded her pants did I see she was wearing nothing but her tie-dyed crop top. Once I sat down, she and I began to talk. Nothing important, just chatting. Sure, I could see how she was rolling her hips, but again, that didn’t mean anything to me other than she was acting sexy; though the fact she wasn’t wearing panties got my attention. Even at fourteen and not understanding that they were screwing, it was sexy enough for me to feel myself moisten up. It was only when the call came for Miranda and Prospero to come to the stage that I understood what they were doing. She planted her feet on the ground and looked right at me, then very slowly she lifted herself up. Even as inexperienced as I was, I knew that she wanted me to look at her. As she stood, I saw his erection coming out of her.” Marcy’s face took on a look of utter startlement “I saw it coming out of her!” she repeated. “I suddenly understood. It seemed to keep sliding out and out. How something so big had gone into her I didn’t know. It was so much longer than Karl’s.”

Marcy had given the right gesture with her hands to make the girls in the van laugh. “In truth, it was not all that huge, like seven inches, but it seemed enormous to me at that moment.”

The girls laughed again.

“Had I known that thing would have been all the way inside of me in just a few weeks I would not have believed it possible. But I’m getting ahead of myself. When I realized what I was seeing, a shiver ran through me in a physical way. I had never seen people having sex, not even a photo of it. At first, I just stared at his erection, but quickly my attention was drawn to Kathern. Bare from the waist down, she waited, legs apart over his erection shining with her juices until my eyes went from him to her. Sure, it was likely just a second or two, but when I realized she had been waiting for my attention; I experienced a new kind of thrill. Then she kept her eyes on me as she slowly walked to get her shoes. I don’t think I’d ever been turned on by a girl like that before. I was sure she could see my nipples poking at my thin bra and tank top. You see, before I left home for rehearsal that day, I’d deliberately changed into my thinnest bra and tank combo. I’d never worn that set without an overshirt because quite a bit of side boob showed. I had even practiced pulling the top down and removing the bra, as I expected to do with Karl later on. I’d worn a loose-fitting jacket that I could simply drape over my shoulders when we went outside. All that to say, she could visibly see my interest in her. When she asked me to get her pants, my heart was racing. I didn’t understand at all what was happening. The feeling was totally new to me. But I did what she said. I got up to pick up her pants. Rather than taking them from me, she motioned for me to follow her. I know for sure I’d never looked at a girl’s ass like that before. Though I didn’t have any visualizations like kissing it or anything like that; I knew I wanted to touch her in a way I’d never thought of touching a female. From that moment on, I would do anything she asked me to do…and as it turned out, in just over a week she would show me what I wanted to do with her but didn’t know I wanted it. At that moment, however, I knew all I wanted to do, was to please her.”

“I followed her out from the three-sided backstage enclosure to the open part of the warehouse that was our rehearsal hall. She was still totally exposed below the hem of her crop top as we walked toward the folding chairs that faced the stage. I caught the nod that Aunt Margarete gave her when she looked our way briefly. While that was clearly a sign of approval, I still didn’t follow what was going on. She thanked me for being cool with her doing Len right next to me. I didn’t tell her that I had no idea they were having sex until she had started to get off of him. However, with perhaps more enthusiasm than I’d intended; I let her know that I had really enjoyed watching. Kathern then explained that she was making a statement to those who’d never been in one of Margarete & Dorcus’s productions. That was why she’d not started to dress until she’d gone out front so everyone knew that the director approved of what she and Len had done. Evidently, she assumed I understood what she was saying. I didn’t. However, my actions in the next few minutes gave the impression that I had not only understood but had decided to join in her efforts. That misunderstanding, and what I did with Karl right afterward certainly impacted how Kathern interacted with me over the next weeks.”

“When I returned to the backstage I was so horny. I started to kiss Karl in front of the others for the first time. We made out hard just standing between the tables and the back wall of the warehouse. I wanted to get off so badly. I didn’t work out some plan, but just simply let myself go. Somewhere in my mind, I knew half the whole troop was only about fifteen feet away, sitting at the tables; but it didn’t matter to me right then. After all, I’d auditioned fully nude. Initially, he didn’t seem to understand I didn’t care we could be seen; so, I pulled the straps of my tank and bra off my shoulders so as to fully expose my boobs. When I lifted a breast to him, he understood what I wanted and went right to work. When he did, I undid my loose-fitting jeans and put my hands down my panties. While he sucked my nipples, I masturbated myself to orgasm in like two minutes flat. It was like the other people at the long double table weren’t there until after I was coming down from my climax. It was my first time to do something sexual with an audience.”

“When I opened my eyes, they were all staring at me, mouths open. At that moment, I realized two things. First, when I saw that their eyes were all fixated on me; I knew I had done something worth watching. I didn’t just create the show, I was the star. That was a lesson that was the first step in the creation of an identity I would carry until I married Mike Marshal. The other thing I understood at that moment, was that those people didn’t see me as a child anymore, and they never would again. By use of my sexuality, I bridged the gap between a kid not yet in high school and those college students. I was doing what my mother told me I should do; I was using my body as a tool to achieve my goals. Though my understanding was quite limited, somehow, I knew for sure that every one of the people watching (both the guys and the girls) saw me as someone they wanted. Every one of them would have happily taken Karl’s place if they could. Of that, I had not the slightest doubt. That reality inspired me to go for a second orgasm. It came in even less time than the first as I watched my audience watching me.”

“After my second climax, Karl and I kissed again. Once we took a break, I unhooked my bra to remove it entirely before I pulled up my tank top. While I took my time to cover myself, I made momentary eye contact with those who were watching. I hoped my look conveyed that I was available to them too. When I say available, understand for me the idea of sexual availability was more in the dreamy romance novel sort of way than the reality of fucking. To me, what was important was that they knew I was not ‘the little kid’ but I was one of them.”

“After my top was up, I draped my bra over the back of the chair on which Kathern had put her pants earlier. I led Karl out of the backstage and picked up my jacket as we headed toward the front door. As soon as I’d pulled Karl out of the warehouse, we began kissing again. As I had planned before leaving home, I wore my jacket over my shoulders. I again pulled my tank to my waist and jacked him off as I had done the night before. It didn’t take long. Before you ask, oral sex was just something from my sex ed textbook, not something real yet, so I didn’t even think to suck him off. Once he shot his cum onto my tits again, I leaned against the wall, and for the first time, I pushed my pants down far enough for him to clearly see me masturbate. While he again used his cum to play with my nipples, he watched me get myself off. It took longer that time since I’d already cum twice in the last fifteen minutes, but still, it did not take very long for me to have an orgasm that made it hard to keep standing without his help. Once we were done, we kissed again, with both of our pants down. When we pressed our bodies together, skin to skin, I envisioned what I’d read in several steamy novels how the man lifted the woman up and impaled her on his staff. I wanted it but I just didn’t know how to make it happen.”

Sarah jumped in “So when did you do it?”

Bonnie cut off the question with “Let your mother tell her story her way.”

Marcy didn’t comment on the interruption. “As we pulled our clothes back on and headed back into the warehouse, I asked him about Kathern and Len and his mother’s reaction to her nudity. Then I asked about what he thought the others thought about what we had done in front of them. His answers had more surprises than I’d imagined.”

“He told me that he and the people who had been under his mom in other productions were not surprised that Kathern and Len had sex backstage. He said they had done that and more during the production they had done over the winter. Then he just casually said that Len had spent the night with his mom just a few days before. I had to interrupt him to ask if he meant that they’d had sex. To him, it seemed obvious that was what he’d meant but he assured me that hadn’t been anything like the first time he’d watched them screwing. He’d not even taken special note about the fact he’d actually seen his mother doing it with Kathern’s boyfriend. That was quite a revelation, yet I could tell he wanted to say more, he stopped himself. On Friday night I would hear the rest. However, he explained to me that his mother, Dorcus, and those initial eight people who had been asked to join had deliberately set out to create an early 70’s free-love culture in our new theater troop. To them, that culture was central to the project. Therefore, when they recruited the other ten, each one had been fully briefed as to what life within the Northshore Players would be like. That was why no one had seemed put out by Kathern screwing Len right in front of them. It had just been a matter of when it would start. He then explained that while Kathern’s actions were no surprise, mine had been. No one had expected that from me…at least not yet. Though he was quick to say he was also sure they liked what they saw. His words were reassuring, but I had to ask him what he meant by free-love culture. I’d never heard the term.”

The girls laughed and Bailey said, “Even I would have understood that.”

Marcy just shook her head. “I guess I should explain that I had grown up in the theater, so I understood that every production is different, depending on both the director and the producer. Some of the plays I’d been in were so strict they really were no fun, and others were so loosy goosy that it’s a wonder we made it to opening night. But all my experiences had been with children’s theater. After we took a seat off to the side, Karl clued me in on adult productions, late 70’s, early 80’s style. He said in most of the productions his mom and Dorcus put on, cast and crew having sex backstage was just part of it. Though he noted that how much sex and how open they were about it varied with the cast. He let me know, that thanks to my actions, for the first time ever; he’d been a part, not just the director’s kid as a spectator. He said his mom and Dorcus believed that the free-love culture fostered creativity and a sense of community. And so, with everything else, I finally fully understood why my mother insisted on birth control nearly a month before rehearsals even began. Later that night, Karl and I got to make out again. I guided him to put his fingers into my vagina; though oddly, it didn’t seem to turn him on. That was my first hint that while he and I got along and could mess around and he seemed to love my boobs, he didn’t have an interest in touching my inside parts as other guys do.”

Haley laughed “Was he gay?”

Marcy grimaced, Yes… well mostly yes. But I’ll get to that later.” Then she continued. “The next night at rehearsal, again Kathern rode Len at the backstage table. I knew what they were doing that time. It made a huge difference to me knowing what I was seeing. Again, she made sure I was sitting next to her and while she did him, she looked right at me. Having no bra on, when she took off her shirt, her breasts were fully exposed. I thought they were simply beautiful. My mind looked back to think about what she’d worn to rehearsal for the past few weeks. Only then did I understand that Kathern never wore panties or a bra. I’d not processed that until then. If you recall, I told you that a few months before all this began that my mother had mentioned that I might consider those things to be optional; but I’d not seriously thought about it until that evening. Until then, I just didn’t notice what girls older than me were wearing. Immediately I started to look at the other girls. Before the end of rehearsal that night, I concluded that four of the other girls were braless and Wendy Junaluska, who was in charge of production design didn’t seem to have panties under her skintight gold lame’ leggings. Before I’d looked, I just not noticed how the entire shape of her vulva was quite visible. I had already admired her style, but after that, I began to pay more attention to how she pulled it off. Soon I began to think on creating an image for myself with what I wore. By the end of the summer and I began high school in the fall, I’d had most of it worked out. Before the start of school, my mother was happy to take me to the mall several times to buy what I wanted. By then Wendy and I were friends and she came with us on all those trips.”

“Unlike the first time I’d seen Kathern and Len having sex, this time as she sat on him she increased the pace and strength of her hip motions until Len climaxed. I was learning quite a lot. When he was done, she again asked me to follow her. She slipped back on her shoes, but not her shirt or pants before I followed her across the warehouse to the little restroom. Aunt Margarete looked over to see me following Kathern as she walked totally naked across the warehouse. My aunt’s eyes went to Kathern, then to me as I followed her, then back to Kathern with a smile. It was all quick, but I knew she saw something I did not, and she approved.”

Sarah jumped in “She saw that you and that Kathern girl were going to be lovers.”

Marcy agreed “Yes, I see that now; but I didn’t then. Though I was becoming infatuated with her, after all she was very, very pretty; I still was not sophisticated enough to see where that was leading exactly. I had begun to wonder what it would be like to kiss her, but wasn’t yet able to visualize what making love to her would be like…though I was getting closer.

In the restroom, Kathern took paper towels and cleaned the semen from her crotch. That was just one more thing I’d never seen before. She said she didn’t mind getting cum in her pants if she was heading home, but she didn’t want a wet spot while we rehearsed. Afterward, I carried her shirt and pants as we walked to the chairs in front of the stage.

Since neither of us was due on stage for a while, we began to chat as she dressed. After a few minutes, I just blurted out that I had really liked watching her body move while she was on Len like that. She let me know she’d been putting on the show for me especially. Just one more thing I didn’t know how to process. Then she told me she’d heard from several people about what I’d done with Karl the prior night; including her boyfriend who had been surprised how sexy I was. She said Len thought I was sexy! That was really exciting to hear. I didn’t know word had gotten around; though I should have. I asked if she thought I’d gone too far. She assured me that no one had objected, though several people had said they were disappointed they had missed it. Including her. She asked why, If I was concerned, I hadn’t just asked my aunt. I had no idea she knew my relationship with the director. I guess my confusion showed because she told me all those who had worked with Margarete in the past knew all about my mother and how she’d gone right to Broadway from Chicago. I suspected she knew our director and my mother had been lovers, but she did not say so that day. Though, one night a few months later, in the quiet time after wonderful sex, Kathern told me she knew my mother was the director’s one true love.”

“The next afternoon, riding with Mom on the way to the theater, without making any comment to her about what I was doing, I removed my bra. Then, I took off my pants and panties, then put my pants back on. Not only was I following Kathern’s lead, it was my way of telling my mother that she’d been right and I was closer to having sex than I’d believed. In fact, since it was Friday and I would be staying with Aunt Margarete that night, I had all but decided to ask my aunt if instead of sleeping on the sofa, I could sleep with Karl in his bed.”

Sarah interrupted to ask Bonnie “Mrs. C., will that work if I ask you if I can spend the night in Lamar’s bed?”

Bonnie smiled, “We are past that point. You don’t need to ask. It is up to the two of you.”

Misty quipped “Mom is using the dreaded parenting technique of putting the responsibility on the child method.”

That got laughs from everyone but Sarah. She knew Misty was right. Shifting the focus Sarah asked, “So what happened.”

“I’d planned on making out with Karl in the backstage again that night. I’d even thought about getting totally naked as Kathern had done, but I didn’t have a long enough break to pull it off. I was on stage virtually the whole night. On the L train, on the way to her place, Aunt Margarete complimented me on my braless look.”

As an aside, Marcy told the girls “You see in the late 70’s and early 80’s going braless was very much a fashion choice as opposed to the political statement it had been a decade before. Go back and look at old TV shows like the original Charlies Angels, Farah Fawcett never wore a bra. That was Farah’s look…it was Aunt Margarete’s look, it was Kathern’s and Wendy’s look and it soon became my look too. But that spring I was so naive; I didn’t realize she’d notice and hadn’t yet thought of it as a ‘look’. It was only then that I made the conscious connection to her kinda hippish look to the fact she never wore a bra by choice, despite the fact she was quite busty. Since it was still cool in the evenings, she always wore an oversized cardigan at rehearsals. Once we got to her home, it didn’t seem out of place for those large breasts to swing free in her thin eyelet blouse. As we ate dinner, it was obvious that she not only knew what Karl and I had done in the backstage, but what we’d done outside the rehearsal hall as well. She laughingly said that most guys are too squeamish to use their semen for lube let alone lick it off a girl’s tits, so I should feel fortunate that her son was my first lover; I almost choked. Then she casually let me know it was my choice whether to sleep on the sofa or in Karl’s bed with him. I only hesitated a moment before saying I would like to sleep with Karl if he would like me to. He quickly said that he did.”

Haley and Sarah both put in “Of course he did.”

Marcy said “Actually that wasn’t a foregone conclusion. I didn’t know it yet, but he’d declined offers of sex from girls before. But he did want to sleep with me. After I’d let her know I wanted to sleep with her son, just as casually as could be, Aunt Margarete asked me if I’d broken my cherry yet. Trying not to act embarrassed I told her I’d put my fingers in there lots of times, but my hymen was intact as far as I knew. With Karl right there she told me what to expect. She then noted that while Karl had never had vaginal sex before; he knew what he should do since he had been right there while she’d had sex with men hundreds of times. I guess my face gave away my confusion. She explained to me that while he had a small bedroom of his own in their new place, he had not always had one. She said that even then his bedroom was primarily his place to study. It seems that for most of his life, they had lived in studio apartments and had shared a single bed. While sometimes he would have to sleep on the sofa because her playmates were rambunctious or she had more than one friend over to play with; most of the time he was right beside her while she made love. Though I understood the words, I did not yet understand what she actually meant. It was just too much for me to grasp with my almost non-existent knowledge of sexual relationships.”

“When Karl put in that he’d told me that Len had spent the night earlier in the week his mom gave him a questioning look and he nodded as if giving her approval. She then calmly went on to tell me that while Karl had never had sex with a girl; since the fall, he had been joining in with her when certain guys came over to have sex with her. I almost choked on my food. Karl had joined her in having sex and she said it like it was to be expected. She went on to explain that since December, whenever she had Len or Nic (who played Prospero) over to their place for sex, Karl had joined in with them. The way she explained it was so matter-of-fact, not just that she’d been having sex with two guys who were closer to my age than hers, but that Karl had been part was my first glimpse into the reality that Aunt Margarete simply didn’t have any fixed sexual boundaries.

She calmly explained how initially, Karl only held Nic’s dick or balls while he stroked into her; but pretty quickly he began to lick their jizz up when they ejaculated on her ass or tits; then in January, the guys started to pull out and let Karl finish them off with his mouth. It was all way too much for me to comprehend. She didn’t even think the part where her son licked her tits in the process was of note; but the way she said it I could tell, she really thought that was wonderful. Even as she spoke, something seemed off. She gave no indication of anything that came before Karl holding the guys’ dicks while they fucked her. I was naive, but I knew something had to have come before that.”

The girls in the van agreed and there was a short discussion before Marcy got back to her narrative. “Margarete even laughed when she told me that just a couple of weeks before, Nic and Len both came over specifically so they could do them both together at the same time. Karl jumped right in to say how much he’d liked it when he and his mom were side-by-side on their hands and knees as the two guys drilled them. That was the word he used: drilled. I’d never heard it used to mean sex, but the way he described what happened, it was obvious to me that he meant she took it vaginally and he took it anally. She agreed and said she and Karl were in that position for the longest time holding hands as Len and Nic switched off between them. When he said how sore he’d been getting ready for school the next morning, he looked to see how I reacted. I realized then that he’d been hinting to me that he liked guys, but only then did I get it. He didn’t just like guys, he sucked dick and liked them fucking his ass.”

Bonnie couldn’t help but ask “What did you do?”

Marcy shrugged “What could I do? I knew I was falling in love with Karl and I wanted to have sex with him. Ever since my mom first told me that she’d done it with so many guys she didn’t know who provided the sperm to make me, I’d been opening my mind to a world that accepted things that had once been beyond my conception. The fact that Karl and Aunt Margarete had guys fucking them side by side was just one more thing that was part of not just a new world, but my mother’s world. I instinctively knew that if that was what Aunt Margarete and Karl did, my mother knew all about it and did not see a problem. I wanted to be part of my mother’s world and by then I wanted to be part of Karl’s life. So, just like that, I accepted that my first boyfriend liked guys to fuck him in the ass. Just like I accepted that it was normal for Kathern and Len to have sex in front of the cast, that was just part of the new world I was entering.”

Marcy paused then said “You girls must understand. When you are young it is very easy to incorporate new things as normal if the people around you do.”

Haley put in “I get it. I remember when Connie first told me that her new boyfriend had sex with his best friend, I had to overcome a bias. I think it helped that she told me Devin had sex with another guy right after she and I’d just made love for like an hour straight. I’d been raised around rednecks who thought gay guys were disgusting so I’ll admit my first reaction was that guy-guy sex was gross. But she pointed out that she and I had been having sex for years and it was the same thing for Devin. His first lover had been his best friend and to them, it was totally normal. Only when she brought Devin and Gregg over for a foursome that first time and I saw the guys fuck each other did I go from thinking it was gross to thinking it was super-hot.”

Bailey added “It was the same when I saw Red and Stephen suck each other off down in the common room last night. For a second it was like ‘oh gross’ then it was ‘that is so fucking hot.’

Marcy nodded “Yes. Just like that. In my case, I thought I’d be jealous of him having sex with guys, but over the summer I found I loved it when he and I did guys together. I particularly loved it when a guy pulled out of me and put it in him. I’m not sure why, but it seemed to bring us closer together to have the same guy fuck us both. Dozens of times we were with guys who put it in my pussy then in his ass, then back in my pussy, just as he’d done with his mother. It was just one new thing out of a whole host of new things.”

“In that talk, Aunt Margarete also told me that several girls, including both Kathern and Wendy, had already asked him if he wanted to have sex before I did, but I was the first girl he’d ever wanted to do it with. She paused….a month or so later she told me that sometime during the winter she’d let Karl know if he wanted to do it with her she would be happy to let him see what it is like to have sex with a female.”

That was quite an eye-opener, but for some reason, Bonnie wasn’t all that surprised given what she’d already heard.

“As far as I ever saw, I was the only person he ever actively sought to put his dick into. In group sex situations I saw several girls get on top and ride him and he never told them to stop; but I’m the only person, male or female, I ever saw him take the initiative to fuck. While he wasn’t overly fond of pussy, he had a real thing for breasts. I mean Karl had a huge breast fetish. Since he was a great kisser and he had a knack for knowing how to touch each girl’s boobs and play with her nipples; lots of the girls liked him to make out with them. It was odd because he was also quite good at getting me and other girls off by playing with our outer labia and clit; but he avoided touching the wet inner areas like the plague. Everyone is different, and that was just him. In group settings, he was like the foreplay king. He’d get the girls all ready then let the other guys do the fucking. Oh, and he never saw a dick he didn’t want to suck or cum he didn’t want to eat. All in all, he was quite popular, every bit as popular as I was for threesomes, foursomes, or group sex. For those first two summers and the school year in between, I am absolutely sure that Karl and I had far more sex than anyone else in the Northshore Players… by a long shot.”

“But going back to that night, after dinner, Karl and I went right from the table to his bed. We fumbled through our first time. Even though evidently, he’d had a very, very close-up view of his mom having sex many times; watching and doing are not the same. And I didn’t have a clue. Happily, Aunt Margarete was right, the pain didn’t last too long. We did it again an hour later then again sometime in the middle of the night. And I guess I should say now that Karl could cum but not barely have his erection soften afterward. Many times over the two years or so we were having sex three, four, or more times a week, he’d cum and just keep fucking me. That time in the middle of the night was the first time we did that. He came, and we kept going till he came again. When I woke up in the morning, I found him hard again. I crawled right on top of him. It was my first time to mount a guy while he just lay there.”

She turned to Sarah “I’ve got to say, from that first night I knew that I really, REALLY, liked feeling dick in me. But I’m sure you don’t know what I mean.”

Sarah laughed. “Oh, I think I do. We are two peas in a pod.”

Haley said, “A slippery wet pod I’d bet.”

More laughs.

Sarah then corrected herself “Actually, you and me and Grams are three peas in a pod.”

Marcy nodded in agreement before she continued. “By that morning when I mounted him, we’d pretty much worked out the basics and it seemed natural. Though I rode him for a really long time, he didn’t cum before he left to take a bath. I said I’d be there as soon as I’d gotten myself off. Looking back, it is pretty amazing that I was already comfortable telling him that I was going to masturbate before joining him. He didn’t seem the slightest bit surprised. I wasn’t paying enough attention to consider that he had walked out of his little bedroom naked, with a hard-on. After a nice orgasm, I lay in the bed in bliss for a little bit before I pulled on the nightshirt that I’d brought with me before following him to the small apartment’s bathroom. I opened the door hoping to surprise Karl by joining him in the old-fashioned clawfoot tub. It was rather larger than standard tubs today and I was sure we would both fit in together. But I was the one to be surprised because Aunt Margarete was already in the tub with him.”

“Yes she’d told me they’d had sex with guys together, but it was not until I saw him sitting at one end of the tub and her at the other did I fully appreciate what she’d meant. I guess I’d been in just too much of a dreamy state to really grasp the reality of what Aunt Margarete meant that throughout his life he’d been in the same room while she had sex. I just stood at the door until Aunt Margarete, with a smile, told me to shut the door behind me since I was letting in the cold air. So I did.”

“Walking in, I could plainly see he still had an erection. I had a vague feeling they’d been masturbating while he told her what we had done in his bed. She then stood up and asked me to bring her a towel as she offered to let me take her place. I’d never seen a grown woman naked before. Sure, I’d seen other girls in the school locker room, but it was different seeing her.”

Once again the girls laughed and commented. Haley asked “You haven’t said, what did your aunt look like back then? Was she, like hot?”

“Yes, she was. Her body was good enough that through her 20’s she’d primarily made her living by dancing almost nude. She was tall with large breasts and round hips. Actually Haley, at that time, her figure was like a thirty-five-year-old version of you. She was of Armenian heritage and looked it. Olive skin, wide mouth, black hair & eyes. Not that she looked like Kim Kardashian, but she would have fit right into a Kardashian family reunion. And, both men & women were drawn to her sexuality. She never had to look for a bedmate. Even that last summer I was with the Company when she was over forty, the newest members were dreaming of the day they had their turn to sleep with her.”

Haley quipped “Oh, she was like Mrs. C. in that.”

Marcy nodded. “Yes, just like that. From what I’ve heard and seen, I am quite sure that every single one of the Euro-Club would jump if they thought Bonnie would have sex with them.”

Bonnie suspected strongly that Marcy knew her words made her uncomfortable. She gave her an exaggerated glare.

Marcy gave Bonnie an amused smile before she went on. “Aunt Margarete was just like that. I think she was the first person I ever knew who thought it was natural to have sex with virtually everyone in her social circle. In the first four years of the Northshore Players, we had close to a hundred people come and go. I doubt there were more than five who did not find a way into her bed at least once. It wasn’t that she took having sex lightly. It was the opposite. She believed in something she called chakras and how having sex creates and shares psychic and spiritual energies. She believed sex was so essential to both happiness and spiritual enlightenment that it needed to be shared as much as possible. So, she did. She once told me that each week, she tried to have sex with at least one man or woman with whom she’d not been within the last month. I have no doubt that she rarely failed in that goal. Also, just like Bonnie, she was an open book, people felt a closeness to her from the first day they spent time with her.”

Baily jumped in “Yea, from the first day I met Mrs. C, I felt like I could tell her anything. And I did.”

Marcy continued “Once Aunt Margarete got out of the tub, she immediately gave me a big hug and congratulated me on having shed the burden of my virginity. Yes, that was exactly what she said.”

Bonnie had to quip “Well that is one way to put it.”

Sarah followed up with “Yes, I love it. I’m going to say this week I shed the burden of my virginity”

Her mother shook her head “How about you not. Bonnie’s term of sexual debut is far better, so I suggest that is the way to say it.”

When Sarah nodded in agreement her mother continued “Then she really took me off guard when she told me that my night with Karl had happened sooner than she or my mother had expected.”

“They planned it?” Sarah asked.

“Not as much planned, as they saw it as inevitable…predestined by the fates. Though Karl and I didn’t grow up together as Aunt Margarete had planned; her vision came true in that he was my first love and my first lover. Later that day, Aunt Margarete told me that back when we were both babies sharing her breasts, she’d told my mom and Dorcus that she believed that we were destined to be each other’s first.”

Haley said, “So I guess she didn’t think the guys who’d been fucking him for months counted?”

Marcy shook her head “Sometimes my aunt saw things the way she wanted to see them. I heard her tell that story many times, and she never seemed to question that we were each other’s first. She also didn’t think twice about telling the story to new people right in front of us. Not that we really minded her telling people we’d shared her breasts as babies and now we share our bodies as lovers, but a lot of teenagers would cringe at that. But that was her. There will always be a special place in my heart for Karl. Not a small one, but a large one. I’d never had a boyfriend before and we developed a lasting relationship that was important to both of us. We were both lovers and best friends. What we did in bed was just a part of what we meant to each other.”

Marcy seemed to think a bit, then said, “After she gave me a hug, she whispered in my ear that Karl was stiff as a post and all I had to do was to have him slide forward a little bit so that I could sit on it. Remember, I had just seen an erection for the first time that past week, and my aunt was telling me that Karl was ready for me to put his into me with her right there.”

Baily asked breathlessly, “So? What did you do?”

“I did what she suggested. He moved near the center of the tub and I sat in his lap facing him. Aunt Margarete made no effort to hide she was watching as I used my hand to work to get it into me. I was still new at it so it took a couple of tries, but once it was all the way in and I was comfortable, I glanced over to her and she had a big smile and gave me a thumbs up before she turned to the mirror and started to brush her teeth. So, the morning after I first had sex, I was already doing it in front of my aunt.”

Sarah jumped in “So when you watched me have sex on Sunday, you were pretty much doing the same thing as what happened with you and your aunt.”

Marcy nodded. “Yes. I had never expected that would happen. Life is funny like that. And like I suspect is happening with you, for me, I soon believed the normal way to have sex was in the presence of my friends and loved ones. Just like Caitlin said earlier. Having people there with me simply shared the joy I was feeling. Yes, that very first time was more than a little weird, but after that, it was just what I expected when I made love. While I was in high school, it was the exception for me to have sex when it was just me and my partner in a room alone.”

“Before we were done, he had me bent over the side of the tub. It was our first time to do it like that and we splashed quite a bit of water out. Aunt Margarete simply put some towels down to catch the water. After we got out of the bath, the three of us sat around and talked over breakfast. Actually, we talked for over an hour. I think Aunt Margarete knew I was feeling rather disoriented. Elated for sure, but still, I was looking for some way to make sense of it all and she seemed to know it. Over the next day, she and Karl filled me in on more of the background of their life.

Sometime in the morning, she called my mother and it was decided I would stay Saturday night as well, so we talked for hours and hours, before and after rehearsal; and… that night, the three of us slept together in her king-sized bed. I never slept in Karl’s little bed again. One of the things I learned that day was Karl’s room really only had two purposes. One was for him to have a place to study for school when his mother had friends over and the other was for show. It was one thing for the landlord to see Aunt Margarete slept in the same bed with her five-year-old son, but it was quite another to openly sleep with a fifteen-year-old.”

Marcy paused and seemed to think, then said, “Though I will get ahead of myself in some things, I think it will be easiest to understand if I tell you about everything I came to learn about my Aunt Margarete and Karl over the years, not just what she told me that day. Karl was eight months older than me so, he was already fifteen at the time, and like I said before, he’d been in the room while his mother had sex several times a week most of his life, so his understanding of sex was infinitely more sophisticated than mine. Even while he and I had hit it off and had just had sex, his mother knew he was primarily attracted to men. Months later he told me how surprised he was that he had been attracted to me, he’d never had those kinds of desires for any girl before; but somehow, I was different. We both agreed that there must be something to his mother’s prophecy about us. There was no other way to explain it.”

Bonnie put in “Girls, this is a good lesson about the current rage of labeling people’s sexuality and desires. We must push back on the pressure to label ourselves and others based on some hetro-homosexual divide. We fall in love with people, not genitals.”

Haley jumped in “I know I really love both dick and pussy.”

Bonnie smiled and said, “Yes, but you know what I mean.”

The girls all nodded in agreement and Marcy continued her tale. “One thing I learned quickly was that Aunt Margarete and Karl were not squeamish about their bodies touching when they are nude in bed, even their genitals. And sleeping together in the nude was the norm for them and had been since he was out of diapers. Their touching was not necessarily to get each other off, just casual loving contact. You know how Haley said masturbation isn’t necessarily sexual in her home; well to Karl and his mother, full-body contact was the same. Even holding or even suckling on her breasts wasn’t really sexual.” She thought then corrected herself “Well, perhaps I should say it was not always sexual. Sometimes it was sexual for sure. Sometimes it was absolutely about getting each other off. I saw the make each other cum at least a hundred times.”

Bonnie was sure her eyes shot up just as much as did the girls’.

Marcy backed up. “You see, I later found out that Karl actually continued to nurse at his mother’s breasts until he was five. As I understand it, even when her milk dried up, he continued to suckle on her nipples while going to sleep every night for another year or two. When we were in bed and he was anxious or just needed comforting she would offer him a breast and he would take it. I told you he had a thing for breasts, I’m sure that is the origin of it. Over the years I saw him snuggle up and take her nipple into his mouth dozens and dozens of times. And yes, before you ask, the three of us had sex together. Not right off, but in under a month we were having threesomes most nights I stayed over.”

Haley jumped in “So did he like fuck his mom?”

Marcy took a deep breath. “I will say this now and again I’m sure before I’m done. I won’t say I would condone everything my aunt did, but I won’t condemn her either. I don’t believe she did anything out of overt selfishness and I don’t believe she harmed me or Karl. All families work out what works for them, and for Karl and Aunt Margarete their interactions were about security and togetherness. It would not be honest to say that there was no sexual component to what they did in bed, because there most certainly was. It was quite normal for her to ride his thigh to orgasm and for her to use her hand to get him to ejaculate onto her. How do you think he knew to use his semen as lube on my nipples that first time? He also used his semen to stimulate both of our clits; but, after that first time outside of the rehearsal hall, he never put his fingers into me again; nor did he give either of us oral sex that included contact inside of our inner labial lips.”

Marcy took another breath “When I said I saw girls mount him, I should actually say I saw girls and his mother do so. Perhaps half a dozen times over the years, I saw her crawl up on him, put his penis in, and ride him until they both climaxed. I never asked how often she did that when I was not there; but I distinctly remember the first time. I knew there was no way that was something new for them. I never saw him initiate penetrative sex with her, neither vaginal nor oral. It was always her. The truth is Aunt Margarete could be a little controlling at times, especially in bed. Like I told you, she told me that before I started sleeping with them, she had explicitly told him that he could fuck her anytime he wanted. As far as I know, he never did. The simple fact is she did not see anything wrong with having sex with her son and had he been straight, I have no doubt they would have been lovers. But as it was, I was the only female he had ever wanted to do that with. Once he told me that the one thing he didn’t like about his attraction to men was that he couldn’t give me or his mom what he knew we wanted from him.”

“For the next several weeks he and I had vaginal sex, a lot. We did it at rehearsals as often as not and everyone liked watching us go at it. It was the next week I discovered the idea of wearing a short skirt without panties made sex really easy. I didn’t mind the semen on my legs afterward. Though one night that first week Karl and I had just finished when I got called to the stage. As I walked to my mark, a big blob of semen fell out of me to the wood.”

The girls both laughed and cringed.

Caitlan asked, “What did you do?”

“Aunt Margarete called for someone to clean up the jizz before someone slipped on it. The next day paper towels and a trash can were put in the backstage area.”

There were more laughs and comments.

Marcy went back to her story, “It was on the fourth Friday night I stayed over at Aunt Margarete’s, the third where we had sex. Karl and I were talking about how I was the only girl he wanted to fuck; but he kept coming back to it and I could tell he was getting to something. He told me that he really liked guys doing him, but he couldn’t see himself as the one to do the penetrating when he was having sex with anyone but me. I knew he was squeamish about my vagina even while we were having vaginal sex. I already had realized that he seemed to like rubbing my vulva and clit and he was good at getting me to orgasm that way. It had been just a few days before that evening he had told me that he’d been getting his mom off like that since he was twelve. Yet at the same time, I was already beginning to see that he avoided my vagina like he thought it was gross. As we talked that night, eventually I got the feeling that he wanted to ask about us having sex, but using my butt rather than my pussy; though I don’t think he was going to ask. So I told him I thought we should try fucking in the way the guys do it to him. I’ll confess I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I loved him and wanted him to be comfortable while we had sex.”

“It didn’t seem the least bit out of place when he asked his mom to help with us having anal sex for the first time. Just as casually as she’d asked about my cherry, Aunt Margarete asked me if I’d ever had anything up my ass before. I wasn’t like Bailey, I’d never even thought about putting things back there to masturbate.”

Bailey got a smile and looked to Bonnie. It was evident that the girl saw her as a kindred spirit in their love of anal sex. Bonnie gave her a smile back.

Marcy evidently didn’t even notice the interaction. “She took us to the big bed in her room and for the next hour, she was our anal sex tutor. She simply didn’t have any boundaries, so she just taught the lesson in the most direct manner. She took out a tube of K-Y jelly and explained the need to use a finger, then two, to prepare my sphincter to be penetrated with his penis. She had me get on my knees, with my chest down on the bed. Then, rather than just telling him and letting it go at that, she proceeded to demonstrate to Karl how he should do it. At first, I didn’t realize she was going to finger me, but when she started rubbing the KY around my anus it was unexpectedly exciting. I was really surprised at how good it felt when she started dipping the tip of her finger in.” She looked at Sarah, “Though I started having sex with Aunt Margarete that next week, until her finger slipped into my ass, we hadn’t even started kissing… well not with our tongues. She fingered me slowly but steadily, drawing her finger nearly all the way out and then pushing it all the way in. It was just amazing. Totally unexpected, but amazing.”

Bailey jumped in “It feels great doesn’t it?”

Marcy nodded “Yes it does. I’d simply not expected that. I didn’t tell her so, but I was disappointed when she turned it over to him. He wasn’t nearly as skilled. After he’d done one finger for a while, she added lube and had him put a second finger in. When he’d done that long enough for it to feel good, she took over and demonstrated how to use her tongue back there. Again, it was a huge turn-on for me. It was less so when her tongue was replaced with his penis. She’d had him work me up to it so it didn’t hurt, but her tongue was better than the fingers or his dick. Though I haven’t had a dick in my ass in a very long time, I still love analingus. As he did me it began to feel nice, not great but nice. As he did, Aunt Margarete kissed me… I mean sexually kissed me, for the first time.”

She looked to the girls, “I know you all know how wonderful that skin-to-skin contact feels. It was still new to me, and the feel of Aunt Margarete’s womanly body was a totally new experience. She whispered in my ear that she had wanted to spend time ‘down there’ with me, but today was Karl’s turn. The truth was, while it made me feel really good to experience Karl’s happiness and joy as he fucked my ass; her finger and especially her tongue had been a much bigger turn-on for me. I knew what she meant and I whispered back that I would really like that. So, though I didn’t say it in so many words, that night I told her I would like to have sex with her.”

“Before Karl and I did it the second time during our little training session, she got a washcloth and cleaned his still half-hard dick and my ass hole. She explained that while anal is fun, I should always clean him up before I put his penis in my mouth or vagina.I found out the semen from his first orgasm acted as lube when we started doing anal again. That was sexy to me. All in all, it was very nice. Not because I love anal sex as much as I loved Karl and I knew that was his way of joining with me. In just a matter of weeks, I came to love and even crave feeling him fill me like that, but it was more emotional joy than physical. After a ten-minute break, I started to suck his dick. As I gave him head, Karl and Aunt Margarete made out. When I looked up he was sucking her tits. That was the first time they’d done that with me there. Once he was back inside of my ass, she guided us to some other anal positions. Since I was really flexible back then, doing it with me on my back so I could see him putting it in me, then bending further so we could kiss while he fucked my ass became my favorite way for us to do it. When I was on my side and he was on his knees, she moved up behind him and wrapped her arms around him to stroke my thigh. A little bit later, when I was on my back, she lay beside me and we kissed for several minutes. That was the first time we shared our tongues. I was surprised how much I wanted to kiss her like that. But mostly she just watched with a smile as her son fucked me. As you would expect, the second time he went a whole lot longer, but eventually he ejaculated in my ass again. When we were resting, my aunt asked if she could tell my mother what the three of us had done and what she and I might do later.”

Sarah asked, “What did you say?”

“I told her that I trusted her judgment as to what to say. I actually wanted my mom to know, but I couldn’t directly tell her. In this way, my mom, Aunt Margarete, and I worked it out so that while Mom and I couldn’t talk directly, we could pass messages through Margarete. I know it really doesn’t make sense, but it’s one of those things in life that doesn’t.”

Misty asked “But wasn’t it wrong for a grown woman to have sex with a fourteen-year-old? I think you said that you guys started doing it the next week.”

Marcy responded “Yes, we had full sex the next Friday night and continued to do so till literally the last time I was with her a decade later. Today, we would say that was not just wrong, but criminal. But in the early 1980’s two things were different. One was that consensual sex between adults and teenagers was not seen the way it is now. Understand, this was the very time that fifteen-year-old Traci Lords was one of the first great porn stars. A group of us went to see her in one of her movies at the adult theater on State Street downtown when she was more or less the age I was then. A blind person could tell she was certainly sixteen or less. So, younger teens posing nude simply wasn’t an issue. It was frowned on, but not seen as perverted. But perhaps more importantly, people thought sex required a dick. With that mindset, she didn’t have sex with me at all. Oddly, in those days if a woman was found to be a lesbian, she could have her kids taken away because she didn’t want to have sex with men; but for her to have oral sex with me, simply wasn’t considered as bad. Things were different. Was it wrong? I’ve thought about that for decades. Today, I would say that the risk of causing harm to my fourteen-year-old self was great enough to firmly state that she should not have done it. Neither should any of those college students have had sex with me at that age. Beyond that, the social and legal consequences are so profound that even if they knew there would be no harm, it would simply be unthinkable to do today. However; that assessment is based on risk, not on actual harm. In my case, looking back over thirty years, I can say with certainty that I was neither harmed nor victimized by what I did with Aunt Margarete or the college-age members of our theater troop. It certainly made me into the person I became. For me, those years filled with sex with those people were the most magical and wonderful times of my life. I did what my mom said and used my body to get what I wanted and don’t regret it. But that was then not now.”

Marcy seemed to think for a moment and then added, “However, I was not the only young person in her bed. Karl was there too. I had a real choice in all of my interactions with her, he did not. Recall how Bonnie made the point that she has never used Misty or Lamar as a tool in her sex life. Anytime one of them has been present it was by their initiative. That was not true in Karl’s case. Aunt Margarete arranged every facet of his life. He was integrated into her life by her choice, not his. All of her life: the theater, her friends, and in her bed. At fourteen and fifteen I couldn’t see it; but by the time I was seventeen and he was pulling away from both his mom and me he helped me see how she smothered him and did not give him a choice to live his own life.” She turned to Sarah, “Several times over the years you have asked me why I wasn’t more involved with the Milledgeville Community Theater; Karl is the reason. You needed a space to grow on your own without my presence looming over you. He didn’t have that. You didn’t understand why I freaked out after I’d had sex with Hans and Otto with you watching. I didn’t want to be like Margarete.”

She turned to Bonnie “It was only when you made it clear that Sarah had chosen to watch could I accept what had happened. Yes, my daughter and I openly had sex in front of each other this week, but she initiated that. The difference is important. I’ll explain more about the relationship between Aunt Margarete and Karl in a few minutes, but just understand that the real issue was not so much what happened as the reality that Karl had no say-so in it.”

Bonnie was glad Marcy had addressed these issues. Bonnie had also started having sex at fourteen and had no regrets, but it was one thing to have sex with the boys who lived around her, but something quite different for Marcy to have sex with her mother’s lover; and something again for a boy’s mother to incorporate him into her sex life like Margarete evidently had done.

There was some discussion and Bonnie was impressed with the girl’s insight and comments.

Eventually, it was time for Marcy to return to her story. She looked at Bailey “I should say, while I had anal sex several times a week with Karl for the next couple of years; I did it because of my love for him. I didn’t dislike it, and feeling him in my body like that brought a profound sense of fulfillment and joy. But for me, other than with Karl, vaginal sex has always been much better. From the very beginning, I only did anal with Karl. It was our thing and it was only for him. To this day, I don’t take dick up my ass. That was for him and it is my way to honor the memory of my first love.”

Sarah asked “Memory? Did he die?”

Marcy only nodded. Several seconds later she said, “He died of AIDS my freshman year of college.”

There was silence.

“I’ll get to that later If you don’t mind.”

After a full minute, Bonnie said, “I am so sorry. That is terrible.” She could tell this was one of the hard memories Marcy said she had avoided for so long. Then she added, “And of course, you can tell that part when you are ready.”

It took Marcy a minute or two, but she then started up again. “All that is actually background to the story about my sex life in high school. We need to back-up two weeks from that last part to the week after Karl and I first had sex. That first Friday night and Saturday I had sex was like the kickoff. Things happened really fast after that. The next week, the first week in May, it had finally warmed up enough so we began to work on costuming. The temperature in the warehouse rehearsal hall was important because in my case, and for the four girls who would play forest spirits, while we had a costume of sorts, it was more about the body paint than the fabric which was more to give texture than to cover us. Since we would be on our own all summer, Dorcus hired a professional make-up artist and a professional theatrical body painter to teach four of the crew to do our makeup and body paint.”

“After that day, all pretense that this was anything like my children’s productions vanished. While I had tried out in the nude, only one of the four girls who had agreed to play the other forest spirits auditioned for the part of Ariel. Thus three of the four had not gone nude on our stage. Kathern, who by that time was the acknowledged leader of the troop, suggested that all of the cast and crew should be willing to take a turn at playing test mannequin for the four people learning body painting and make-up. Aunt Margarete not only agreed but she volunteered to join Kathern to be one of the first two up on the brand-new 18-inch high wooden platform that a carpenter had built for the purpose of body painting. While we didn’t know it at the time, Margarete had told the workmen to make the platform the size of a twin bed. Two days later, a curtain was put up shielding the nascent dressing/make-up room from the rest of the warehouse. Margarete announced to everyone that we would be having visitors to the rehearsal hall that week and from then on out, nudity and sex needed to stay backstage or behind the curtain. No one even blinked when she said that sex needed to be kept in those areas. In making her announcement she effectively gave official sanction for sex in the rehearsal hall. I don’t know who brought it, but a few days later a foam mattress showed up. When the platform wasn’t being used for posing, the mattress was on the make-up platform. Supposedly it was a day-bed for long rehearsal sessions, but you can imagine what it was really used for.”

“Sex” Haley quickly answered.

“Exactly” Marcy replied.

“And you used it to screw in the dressing room?” Sarah asked.

“Yes. I most certainly did. Over the next four years, I had sex on that daybed hundreds of times. Everybody used it. It was one of those indoor-outdoor matrasses, so it could be sprayed off in the shower if it got too sticky. By the next spring there we had four make-up stations built and a portable scrim separated the daybed from the makeup area. The scrim’s panels were of thin silk. Anyone could see through it enough to know what the couple was doing and how they were doing it. However, you couldn’t clearly see who was doing the deed. Of course, all you had to do is look around the side of the scrim for an unimpeded view. Any pretense of privacy was illusory. Once the makeup tables were installed, there were places to sit on both sides of the room that gave a view of the action. With our troop, it was not a faux pas to openly watch our friends get it on. But, that was all after the summer, so once again I’m ahead of myself. Back to the first day of body painting, when Aunt Margarete stripped off the last of her clothing, that was the moment the Bohemian culture that would characterize the North Shore Players for the next seven years was truly born. For the first hour and a half of rehearsal that night, Dorcus took over in her role as assistant director and ran the rehearsal as Margarete and Kathern stood naked on the little platform beside the stage. Remember, the curtains had not yet been installed, so they were visible from anywhere in the warehouse.”

Bailey laughed and looked to Sarah and asked, “Could you imagine Mrs. Pickett taking off her clothes in front of all of the cast?”

Bonnie had no idea who Mrs. Picket was, but she got the point.

Marcy went on “Remember, even at that early-stage rumor was that our director, my aunt, had done it with all eight of the cast members with whom she’d worked with in prior productions. Aunt Margarete not only removed her clothes without hesitation; but as she and Kathern stood there chatting for over an hour, they verified the truth of the rumors. Kathern told all those who were nearby of the tradition for Dorcus Stokowski/ Margarete Howell productions to sponsor an all-cast pot & sex party following the last performance. I actually heard Kathern tell Sandy Williams, who was doing her body paint, that at the last two parties, Margarete had announced if any cast member with whom she had not done it wanted to have sex, all they needed to do was ask. While Margarete actively disputed that she made that announcement; she did not dispute the underlying facts. That was news to me, but by then it was not a real surprise. When the paint was done and they’d posed for reference photos for the artists; she and Kathern went to the industrial shower in the corner of the warehouse to wash the paint off. Before they were done Kathern was leaning back against the concrete wall recovering from the orgasm that Aunt Margarete had just given her. With that, any remaining resistance to public sexuality among the group was washed away with the body paint. It was a bold, but effective approach.”

“Karl and I didn’t wait to be asked and removed our clothes to be the next models. From the posing platform, I watched Aunt Margarete and Kathern making out in the shower as the artist began to apply the paint to my skin. It was the first of a great many times I would see Kathern getting it on. An hour later, after our paint job was done, Karl and I followed up on his mother’s example. In that open shower originally built as a safety shower to rinse off spilled chemicals, I had my first taste of actual sex in public. Remember this was just three days after I had sex for the very first time. Fortunately for us, Karl had been watching his mom and her friends for years and I followed his lead. Our years on the stage helped us know how to put on a good show despite our inexperience. Even then, that first time he and I both knew that was what we were doing: putting a show on for the rest of the cast and crew. From the very first time I did it, I loved the energy I got from being both ‘on stage’ and having sex at the same time. I thought of it as a sort of dance and moved accordingly. Though I had not anticipated it, I found that the performance turned me on so much that it didn’t take much for Karl to bring me off for real. It was a lesson I would not forget. I was also aware that Karl’s mother was looking over to watch us even as she was directing the rehearsal. I know she was because I looked to see where she was several times.”

“We finished with me bracing myself against the wall while he did me from behind. Our performance was so memorable for everyone in the warehouse, that it became the benchmark for others to try to match. Once we were done, I made a show of using the shower’s spray to rinse Karl’s semen from me. With that one experience, I was hooked on using sex as performance art already. And yes, that is one kind of sex Haley didn’t mention: performance art. Its not the same as exhibitionism. While they may seem similar, the differences are important. From that time in the shower right up to last night while I made out with Mira, I’ve loved using sex as performance art. Right up until the day I married Mike, I was a diligent practitioner.”

Again, the narrative was sidetracked as the girls and Bonnie all discussed the idea of sex as an art of performance. Marcy had Bonnie pull up the photos from the sex club and Misty opened up the photos of her with Squirrel and Mira. While they all looked at the photos again, Marcy explained to the girls how she’d deliberately guided her actions to be visually pleasing to those watching. In the end, they all agreed that sex indeed could be performance art.”

It took nearly half an hour to get back to the story. “Before the makeup and body paint training ended the next week, every single cast and crew member had taken a turn at playing model. While only some of the pairs of models had sex in the shower while they washed off the body paint; enough did to establish public sex as normal. It was the first case of systematic public sex among the troop. It was quite the education for me since I was so new to it. I was only able to actually see bits and pieces of most of them since I was often on-stage rehearsing. From what I did see, the three same-sex couples were of particular interest to me. Even watching the two guys suck each other off got me going. It was good that the shower was not directly visible to those who were rehearsing, like me. It would have been very distracting.”

The girls in the van laughed and made comments.

“During each of the five evenings of rehearsal that week, cast and crew stood nude on either end of the platform as the body painter taught crew members how to use the airbrush and other tools. Even Dorcus took a turn. The only ones who did not act as mannequin were the four who were learning to do make-up and body painting. On Saturday, we did not have rehearsal, rather the artists took all they had learned and worked up the final version of my character and that of the four forest spirits. That took a lot longer. The whole group, professional artists, our make-up crew, Dorcus, and Margarete worked out my final look, they worked on me for over three hours straight. As I’d seen them do every time they finished a ‘canvas’, they took Polaroids; but after my three-hour session, they shot like fifty photos of every inch of their work…which just happened to be my naked body. Those became the reference photos that were put in plastic sleeves and copied day after day all summer.”

She looked at Sarah “So that was my first nude photo shoot. It would not be my last. I guess this is when to tell you, while in high school, I had a lot of nude photos taken of me. Some were just casual Polaroids, but I also posed for photo hobbyists and artists. I’ll get to that later.”

Sarah wanted to know more about her posing nude, but her mother put her off.

Marcy went on. “In the end, the make-up team had to massively simplify the makeup and body paint for the other four spirits. The make-up crew just wouldn’t have the time to spend every day all summer on four more complex make-up jobs, so they were simply fully painted over in iridescent green paint and wore flowing, sheer open-sided tunics. My body paint took so long to do, I ended up spending many extra hours outside of normal rehearsals with our make-up crew before we went on the road. After all, it had taken a pair of professionals three hours to get what Margarete wanted that first time. In the end, using two people, they got the time down to put on my body paint and make-up to just under two hours. It just couldn’t be done any faster. But the final version of my paint and make-up was fantastic. That turned out to be a good thing because the initial costume design proved unworkable; however, the body paint looked better than anyone had hoped.”

“After much discussion, it was decided that I would only wear a completely transparent leotard. While the hem of the suit was slightly visible, the fabric was not. It hid absolutely none of my wonderful paint job, or me; though from the audience’s viewpoint it would not be evident how much was me and how much was my costume. To complete the look I had a diaphanous cape, jewelry, and a wig. The only reason I wore it at all was that it allowed Dorcus to put in the handbill that I was wearing a costume to make it clear I wasn’t just naked in body paint. But by the last month of the run, I almost never wore it for the evening performances since we found the audience couldn’t tell one way or another. Rather than a panty, the plan was to use an hourglass-shaped adhesive strip that was supposed to make my genitals just disappear. Once the decision on the outfit was made, Aunt Margarete told me I would need to shave off all my body hair from my neck to my ankles. She let me know she had already told my mother; so when I told Mom what I needed to do, she was ready to teach me how to shave my vulva. That is why in the 80’s, long before it became mode de jour, I kept fully shaved down there. At the time, it was a memorable look and became part of my identity since most of my partners had never been with a girl with a smooth vulva.”

For the Nth time, Marcy’s narrative was stopped. This time the discussion was on shaving versus using an epilator or depilatory cream or laser hair removal. Before Marcy could go on, she was forced to explain how she’d had the hair on her vulva permanently removed before she’d even met Mike Marshal. She also had to tell how she’d only stopped going fully hairless when the look became so popular. “That is why when permanent hair removal became available in the mid 90’s, I chose to keep the patch of hair above my vulva. I hated it when pop fashion made my look seem like I was following rather than leading the trend.” The girls found that funny too. Only after a promise to find someone local who could do the job for the club girls and promising her daughter that she would pay for it as a late 16th birthday present was Marcy allowed to go on.

“Before the first performance though, I stopped wearing the pussy pastie as I called it. I thought it was stupid, and from ten feet away you couldn’t tell if I had it on or not. Once things got going the only times I wore the nipple and pussy pasties was for photo ops & shoots (I did three of them over the summer), interviews, meet & greets where I was in costume and the one performance that was videotaped for sale. I’m pretty sure my mother still has that tape somewhere.”

Bonnie finally had to ask, “How did the production get away with you going on stage in just body paint at fourteen years old?”

Marcy didn’t have to think to answer. “Partly it was because from the audience’s point of view, it was not at all clear I was nude. Even now, body paint is considered clothing in most legal respects. When I was going to meet people close up, I always had my nipple and pussy pasties close at hand. We had already painted them to match my body paint. It was just a matter of slipping them under my bodysuit to hold them in place…and not moving too fast while they were there. They didn’t stay very well, but that is what I did. Even with all that, Dorcus simply resorted to the expedient of lying. In the handbill, I was listed as eighteen years old. In my makeup, there was simply no way someone could say how old I was. And it was also before camera phones or the internet. There was virtually no chance that people in the audience could get pictures that revealed how much I was really showing. She also listed me by my middle name on the handbill, not my first name. In the world before internet search engines, there was simply no way anyone could find out my real age.”

Marcy laughed to herself “In all the office records and on the handbills, I was eighteen for four years. Each year Dorcus would change my year of birth in my personnel file. I doubt any of that could have happened if my mother wasn’t an old and dear friend of Margarete and Dorcus. I have no doubt she was complicit from the very beginning in covering up my real age.”

The girls laughed.

Bonnie cringed.

Marcy again looked at Sarah. “In a box in the attic, there are photos of me in that body paint. They are in one of a couple of boxes I packed up before I got married that as far as I know have not been opened since. Though I think my mother has the two sets of 8x10 publicity stills of the cast. Without sounding vain, I was very sexy for sure. It’s odd, I look at fourteen-year-old girls today and see children, but in my mind’s eye, I was fully an adult at that age. It’s funny how our perceptions change. Oh, and while my dad came to several performances over the summer, I never let him see me off stage in my costume.”

“It was two days after the day we started working on body paint that Kathern asked if I would like her to take me home after rehearsal. She said we could stop by her apartment for an hour or so and still get me home at a decent time for school. I think she could tell I didn’t understand what she was asking; so, she just out and said she really wanted to make love to me and she thought perhaps I felt the same way. While I was totally not expecting such an offer, I had been fantasizing about having sex with her for the past few weeks. Watching her making out with Aunt Margarete while I was getting painted, then seeing them give each other oral sex, then watching Kathern cum from my aunt fingering her had almost driven me nuts. It was what I saw them do that day that gave me something to build my own fantasies from. I quickly said I really, really wanted to; but I would have to talk to my mother to see if it was OK for her to drive me home. What that really meant is I would have to talk to Aunt Margarete who would explain it to my mother. I suspected Mom would be fine with it.”

Marcy seemed to recall something and said, “Oh, I didn’t tell you that on Sunday afternoon when I got back from Aunt Margarete’s after that first time I had sex, Mom and I had a real moment in my room. Of course, neither of us directly said what had happened, but when she came into my room and gave me a big hug, I knew Aunt Margarete had told her. She talked about how her girl was growing up so fast. We had a really nice talk without ever mentioning what we were really talking about. The closest I came was saying that now that I knew what she’d given up for me, I would work hard to be what she’d hoped for me to be. That led to another crying spell and she assured me I was the joy of her life, and she went on and on about how very proud she was of me, and how I had made it all worth it for her. She didn’t say what she’d paid to give me the life I had. She didn’t have to.”

Again Marcy had to stop talking. One thing was clear to Bonnie, she could tell why Marcy kept all this bottled up. It also seemed to explain so much of why Marcy was the tightly controlled woman Bonnie had always known her to be. There was so much emotional depth to her that keeping it all bottled was the only way to keep her secrets.

When Marcy continued, she was back in control. “All that to say, as soon as rehearsal was over, I pulled Aunt Margarete aside and told her about the proposal…or proposition rather. It turns out that Kathern had talked to her even before she’d come to me with her offer to take me home. Thus, my aunt already had planned to collar my mother when she came to pick me up. With everything arranged, the next night I went with Kathern and Len to his apartment. It was yet another night I would never forget. I was introduced to cunnilingus. What else can I say…it was life-changing. There were times that night I thought I would die of sensory overload. Yes, he fucked me while she and I made out; but that was secondary to the experience for me. It felt good for sure, but just as an added bonus, it was not the main attraction.”

Marcy looked at Sarah and then at Bailey. “When you described your time with Mitch and Zac and how it was mostly about you two and your relationship, I completely understood. Kathern and I never became a couple per se, but we were very close and we regularly made love for the next two years. Even after she’d had to leave the company, we continued to see each other. I simply couldn’t get enough of her body. Not that night, or any other. While I loved Karl, there was a level of sexual fire with Kathern that I don’t know I’ve ever had with anyone else. When she had to leave the Northshore Players in her senior year at Northwestern to take an internship at WGN news it was really hard on me. She was a communications major and after graduation, she was offered a job at the Superstation that WGN had become. When I was at Oberlin, she moved east to follow her career as a television producer. Her striking good looks opened lots of doors for her, but her hard work and talent made her successful. Until I went off to Oberlin College, we continued to see each other once or twice a month… and slept together. In the four years from that first time we had sex till we were really separated by distance; she went through a number of boyfriends. Her guys were always really great looking and successful. Dates I shared with her and her men….and yes they were men… were often quite lavish affairs. I very much enjoyed feeling every one of their dicks in me while I made love to Kathern; but when we made love, it was about us, not her current guy. Like I said, we weren’t a couple, but we did love each other. We have kept in touch over all these years. The last time we were physically together was about five years ago when she came to Atlanta. No, we didn’t have sex, we haven’t done that since the night before I got married. I guess I should really say that I love her, not that I loved her past tense. She is the one and only person still in my life that still connects me to the Northshore Players.”

Bonnie saw Sarah and Bailey squeeze each other. Bailey was the one to comment. “Yes, Mrs. Marshal I understand what you are saying. I really liked all the sex with the guys this week, but when I was in bed with Sarah, it was about us, even when I had both of their dicks in me at once, I was kissing Sarah and it was my love for her that made it wonderful.”

Marcy gave both of the girls a hug. “Yes, I know.”

Bonnie could just barely hear when Marcy leaned over to quietly tell Bailey, “I know exactly what you are saying. During the first couple of years, dozens of times I found myself kissing Kathern while both Karl and one of the other guys from the troop were inside of me. While I’ve not publicly admitted it, I really liked feeling Karl in my ass while one of my other friends fucked my pussy. But that was not the best part. The fact I deeply loved both Kathern and Karl is what made those times downright magical. If you are lucky, one day you will have that experience too.”

Trish, who was in the driver’s seat, was far too far from Marcy to have heard what she told Baily asked “I don’t want to sound like a killjoy; but how old was Kathern’s boyfriend that first time you had a threesome with them?”

Marcy kissed both Sara and Bailey on the cheek, then turned to Trish. “Yes, even then it was illegal for a twenty-two-year-old guy to fuck a fourteen-year-old girl. And while it is less problematic, Kathern was twenty at the time and should not have been having sex with me either. But like I said earlier, while they could have done me great damage had I not been both ready and wanting to have sex; I was both ready and had the desire. Let me add this little detail to help you understand. Before I went home with Kathern that first time, Aunt Margarete took us both to her office. She wanted me to give her my assurance that I really did want to have sex with Kathern and didn’t feel pressured into it. I assured her that I did. Then she had Kathern ask me directly if I wanted to have sex with Len too. She said I did not have to let him come with us to her apartment, but I could invite him to join us if I wanted. So while we can criticize both my Aunt and Kathern; that kind of prior consent was not part of sex in those days, but they made the effort to ensure I wanted to do it. In the last thirty years, I’ve never once felt like I was harmed or abused by her. In fact, I would say that night when I had sex with Kathern and Len was the first of many evenings of wonder that would be my theater life over the next four years before I went off to Oberlin College.”

Bailey asked, “How could it be wrong and wonderful all at the same time?”

Marcy chuckled. “Life is complicated. Today there is no way a theater could get away with sexualizing a fourteen-year-old girl the way I was for that play. And yes, I was sexualized for sure. Not that I minded, but you couldn’t do that today. And a mother who set me up on a path of sexual exploration at that age would be condemned as the worst sort of child abuser. I know all that; yet, the thought of taking those experiences from me would be more terrible than I can imagine. I wouldn’t be me. So, there it is.

The five girls in the van (and Bonnie) were hanging on every word Marcy was saying; and what she was saying was as important as anything they had yet discussed.

Speaking slowly and deliberately Bonnie said “If there is one thing I have learned about sex in the last few years is that when we tried to make one size fits all rules, we end up creating as many problems as we solve. Every young woman is different. I certainly support our country’s recent efforts to stop the abuse and exploitation of teenage girls. Yet, to assume that every fourteen or fifteen-year-old girl who has sex with a twenty-two-year-old guy is a victim is nonsense. The whole way we treat sexual morality based on fixed ages is without any rationality. It is nonsense that in some states sixteen-year-olds have the right to choose any sexual partner they want without government interference, yet in other states not only would their partner be labeled a pedophile, but they could also be charged with abuse of themselves. Among the advanced nations of the world, the age at which a girl can freely choose her sexual partners varies greatly. For instance, where Gerta lives and almost half of the European Union the story Marcy just told would not incriminate anyone; yet anywhere in the US, those events could be blown up into a front-page news witch hunt.”

“As far as I know none of those arbitrary ages have scientific backing. Why is an age decided by shifting political whims and not the specific developmental level of the teenager and the specific circumstance the standard for right and wrong? I can’t help but wonder what might happen today in those very circumstances. Marcy’s mother, Margarete, Kathern, and Len could all be sent to prison and have their lives utterly ruined. The question of whether Marcy had actually been harmed would never be asked. The inevitable damage to Marcy that such a prosecution would do to her wouldn’t even be a consideration. Once the wheels of the state get moving, it simply doesn’t matter if the so-called victim is ground into dust. The only thing that would matter would be the whim of the local prosecutor. Even in today’s America where teen sex is pathologized a circumstance like the one Marcy described is almost never prosecuted unless someone in power finds it to their advantage to do so.”

Bonnie looked to Marcy “Let me ask you. If in an alternant history, all four of those people had been arrested for what you did that night, and you had been put into therapy to convince you that you had been abused and victimized; how would that have impacted your life?”

Marcy thought for a long while before saying “My life as I know it simply never would have been. I would be a different person. If someone had stepped in to ‘rescue’ me, they would have stripped me of my right to be who I wanted to be and forced me to be what they wanted.” She paused. Then went on “I guess they could have done it and I would have been powerless to stop them. It’s a scary thought. The me I am never would have been. Sarah wouldn’t even exist. My mother had given up the life she loved for me and she wanted me to have the option of following that path. She never made me follow it. At any time I could have steered in a different direction and I know…I know, my mother would have been equally as supportive of whatever path I chose. Even if I’d wanted to be a stereotypical suburban kid she would have supported me in that.”

Marcy thought for a long moment then added “And, Kathern’s life would also have been wiped out too. Her career would never have happened. She is now a Public Television producer doing wonderful children’s shows at WGBH in Boston. None of that would have happened. Her wonderful family, including her new grandson, would never have been.” She looked to Bonnie, “I’ve never really asked myself that question before. That is really deep.” She thought for a moment more, then looked to the girls and back to Bonnie. “Have any of us considered that what we are doing, all of us, could be more than just about us? These are questions that everyone seems to be afraid to even ask. We should all consider if we are looking at a mission beyond our little group. We should come back to this after we’ve had time to process what we have experienced this summer.”

Bonnie could vaguely see an idea, but she would have to think on it more. She then said “Let me ask you something slightly different, do you feel that it was wrong for your mother to deliberately throw you into the deep end rather than letting you learn to swim first? Like you said you went from ‘go’ to free love in like a matter of weeks. Was that too fast?”

Marcy responded quickly “Actually that is something else I’ve thought of before and I would say not in my case, and until this week I would have said I wouldn’t recommend it. But in a real sense, I did the same with Sarah.” She pulled her daughter close, “Yes, she has a long sexual history with Bailey, even if I was too blind to see it; but this week was totally different.”

Bailey laughed, and Sarah turned to kiss her deeply and flagrantly.

Marcy said “OK you two don’t have to get it on right now to show us you two have been sexual for several years.”

The others laughed.

“Sarah,” Marcy continued “I know that you only gave your first blow job just over a week ago. Did I throw too much at you too fast on this trip. Do you even know how many times you have put a penis in your mouth over the past seven days?”

Sarah sat back up “No. Not too much at all. I think it was just what I needed. But how many blow jobs? I’m not sure. I know I sucked the dicks of Zac & Mitch and three of the Guild guys till they came in my mouth. How many individual times did I suck dick? A lot, that is all I can say. Not too much though. Not at all.”

Marcy looked back to Bonnie “What I have concluded is that its not about how much actual sexual experience they have; but rather how much autonomy they have that matters. My mother raised me to think for myself and gave me wide latitude to make my own choices. I simply didn’t have the mindset that others around me make choices for me. Even my parents. From the time I was little, they gave me choices. They certainly gave me guidance, but more than most girls of the time, I was in charge of my life. It wasn’t just bigger things, by letting me choose how to dress and even how to do my hair, my parents taught me to own myself. Did I sometimes go to school with things that didn’t match? I’m sure I did. I told you earlier when all this started, I had in my drawer a whole range of clothing styles from trendy to conventional to downright frumpy, to …as I realize now blatantly sexy. I became an early adopter of thong panties. I had a drawer full of Victoria’s Secret thongs and bras. When I wore such things, they were overtly sexy. When, in the winter before I started with the Northshore Players, my mother let me know that I didn’t need to wear a bra or panties at all if I didn’t want to; it didn’t seem out of left field to me. She was just giving me one more choice. While starting on birth control was taken out of my hands, but that too was an act of giving me more choices when I wanted them. When I decided I wanted to have sex with Karl, I was fully empowered to know it was my decision. When I was offered the opportunity to go to Kathern’s apartment for sex with her and Len, I was used to making choices for myself. You see Bonnie, my mother had been teaching me to swim for years before she gave me the choice to jump into the free-love pond.”

Bonnie thought that was a good answer.

“That first night with Kathern and Len, when I got home that night later than I said I would, Mom knew full well I’d been having sex with both of them. The simple truth was I had been caught up in my enjoyment and forgot about the time. Without saying what she meant, she was totally supportive of me having my first threesome; however, that did not keep her from putting her foot down about the time. She made it clear I could not be out till past midnight on school nights. My parents gave me very few rules, but when they did, I was expected to follow them. And I really did try to comply.”

“As it turns out even in this case, my mother worked behind the scenes to help me out. By the time of rehearsal the next day, Aunt Margarete had a solution without mentioning my problem. If I was going to get to explore the life they meant me to, I would need more time with my friends yet still make it home at a reasonable hour. She appointed the two troop leaders, Kathern, as the leader of the cast & stage crew, and Wendy, as the leader of the make-up & set design crew, were given keys to the rehearsal hall. The idea was that they would be able to open the rehearsal hall up if we got there early and to stay to lock-up when the last person left. Ostensibly I was also given a key because I would need to meet with the make-up artist at times when the rest of the cast was not at the warehouse. But I knew the real reason was that Margarete and Mom had schemed. Yes, I’d been told I’d be on my own if I joined the Northshore Players, but that wasn’t true and my mother knew it wasn’t when she’d said it.”

“So, with that accommodation, I was able to have sex after rehearsal, yet not get home too late. In addition to Aunt Margarete, Karl and Kathern, there was one more important person who helped shape who I became: Wendy Junaluski. She, more than anyone helped me develop the public persona that I wore like a superhero’s costume for the next four years. By late summer I naturally and unconsciously changed into my Sloshy the Fairy alter-ego pretty much whenever I wasn’t with my family. Marcy Hidelman never went to Schaumburg High School, Sloshy the Fairy did.”

“Sloshy the Fairy?” Repeated a curious Haley.

“Sloshy like sloshy drunk?” Bonnie asked with some concern.

With a question in her voice, Sarah said, “Dad sometimes calls you Slosh, but I never asked why.”

Bonnie added “Come to think of it. I’ve heard Mike call you that just recently. But I can’t remember exactly why.”

Marcy smiled. “No not sloshy drunk. And yes, Mike will call me that from time to time. It’s sort of a private joke between us, but I guess after today I’m sure everyone will know. Sloshy the Fairy was a character of sorts. It was how I wanted the other players to see me. I knew they were all much older than me, even if I pretended not to. Playing the character also helped me keep my two worlds apart.” She looked to Haley “I’m sure you know all about keeping your two worlds apart.”

Haley just nodded.

“I just adopted a nickname as part of that. Until I went to college, only the Northshore Players actually called me Sloshy the Fairy, but it was the character that mattered, not as much the name. I’ll get to where the name came from later, but for now, let me tell you about Wendy. She was a student at the Art Institute of Chicago. She was an artist, not an actor, but she was one of those Aunt Margarete had brought with her to the new Northshore Players. From the very beginning, she was responsible for the physical appearance of both the actors and the set. As the leader of the design team, in the first week of rehearsal, she set up a basic art studio in one corner of the warehouse to paint backdrops on light canvas that would be hung from a portable frame once we started our performances. I’d admired her dressing style from the very first time I saw her. The long hours we would spend together as my body paint and makeup were applied were instrumental in the development of that persona. My high school and college clothing style was mostly due to her influence. Not the basic style, which came more from the old photos of my mother and Aunt Margarete, but how I pulled it off came from Wendy. She thought more about presentation than anyone I’d ever met, and I took it to heart.”

“Until I got a car over a year later, so that Mom didn’t have to come to get me but once a week, together Wendy and Kathern became my ride home from the rehearsal hall most nights…and of course, that facilitated my sexual explorations. Importantly, that contributed to my early independence. It also led to both Wendy and Kathern getting to know my parents. They were both from professional families, so they knew how to fit into my suburban Schaumburg world. Wendy and Mom really hit it off from the very first, and since her family was from Omaha, we sort of adopted her. It didn’t seem to bother my parents at all that my new friends were all college students. During the first two summer tours, since we didn’t have performances on Wednesdays, most of the summer Wendy would bring me home on Tuesday night and stay till we went to our new venue on Thursday morning. She normally slept in the guest room, but if Dad happened to be out of town, we would sleep together. Mom pretended not to know.”

Marcy laughed then she turned to Sarah and said, “Perhaps that is why I found it so easy to not notice the fact you and Bailey were having sex when she slept over with you.”

Sarah corrected “And with Lindsey too. She and I were having sex under your nose right up until the end of the school year. We were like really flagrant about it. We would eat the other out while we sat on the side of the hot tub, and you never had a clue.”

Marcy began to try to defend herself “I knew you two sunned and when to the hot tub naked…but no I didn’t know you were having sex in the backyard. I guess I am just like my mother, I just didn’t see what I didn’t want to see.”

There was some side discussion then Marcy continued “Importantly, Wendy began to come with us when we went back-to-school shopping. For several entire days, in store after store, I would try on and model outfits for the two of them. To say the least, by fall I had my look down. I always wore go-go boots, always. When it was warm enough, I’d wear miniskirts or mini dresses, most often without panties. When it got cool, I had a selection of skin-tight pants; both stretch designer jeans and shiny spandex. I copied Wendy’s look and simply didn’t buy pants that didn’t show off the shape of both my ass and vulva. I doubt I even owned a pair of pants that you could wear to Jefferson Davis High School.”

More side discussion.

“In the fall Wendy also taught me how to be a figure model. When I had downtime, I enjoyed posing for her, almost always in the nude. By the following spring, I was modeling for a number of her fellow students who had been allowed to use our rehearsal hall as a studio. The skills she taught me were to prove useful in college and beyond as supplemental income. Rather than objecting to the five or six art students using the Northshore Players’ warehouse, Dorcus simply wrote them into the follow-up grants as part of Wendy’s design department and had a matching curtain put up on the other side of the stage to form an art studio for them.”

“I guess I had a knack for it, because even after the artists were using all of us as models, I was still the most popular with them. At Wendy’s suggestion, I asked Aunt Margarete about posing for money. Since I already had a very good fake ID, she was able to use her contacts to get me the opportunity to get paid for modeling for a Chicago camera club. The problem was transportation. Wendy took me a couple of times, but it was when I turned sixteen and got my drivers license and a car that it really took off. Pretty much from then until I went to Oberlin, I was modeling a couple of Sunday’s a month… for money.”

“What is a camera club?” Baily asked.

“I don’t think they exist anymore. They were clubs of amateur photographers who pooled their money to hire models, mostly lingerie and nudes. They were very popular in the 50’s and 60’s. Most of Betty Page’s work was for camera clubs. By the time I was modeling, they were almost a thing of the past; but Aunt Margarete had posed for the same club throughout her twenties. We actually did several club shoots together. The photographers loved shooting the pair of us and we didn’t dispel their belief she was my biological aunt.”

“I was paid $75 for a two-hour session if I wore lingerie, $100 when I posed topless, and $125 when I went totally nude. That was huge money for a high school kid when the minimum wage was $3.35 an hour. Even better, at nearly every shoot at least one of the photographers brought me something special to wear, so I built quite a collection of very nice lingerie. Sure, it was obvious that I was underage for the first couple of years; but as I keep telling you, things were different then. That very year, Penthouse did two cover pictorials of sixteen-year-olds: Sixteen-year-old Tracy Lords and a girl named Shelby Evelin who posed with her mother. In both cases, the US edition claimed they were eighteen. It is telling how little the authorities cared by the fact that in the Australian edition of the photos of the girl and her mother, the magazine plainly stated the daughter had been sixteen when the photos were taken. At the same time, the British tabloid’s Page Three Girls were frequently sixteen and topless and you could buy The Sun at any large newsstand in America. Like I keep saying, things were different.”

Haley asked, “Did you like, do porn or just nudes?”

Sarah followed up with “Did you have sex with the guys who were taking your picture?”

“No and No. And the photographers weren’t all men, though most were. To be perfectly honest, it is not that I wouldn’t have had sex on camera.” She looked to Caitlin “Part of me is envious that your mother had opportunities that didn’t exist in my day. Though I am realistic enough to know I’ve never been remotely as pretty as your mother. Beyond that, back in the 80’s all porn was produced in California or New York. Yes, Playboy was still based in Chicago, but I don’t call that porn. If I’d had the body for it, I wouldn’t have hesitated to try to pose for Playboy; but I wasn’t even in that league. But I enjoyed posing for the camera club. In September after my second summer with the Northshore Players, I got my driver’s license and my dad bought me a little Toyota Corolla. That changed my life. Not only was I able to come and go to the rehearsal hall all I wanted, but I was also able to drive to camera club shoots. In the warm months, we shot at private parks and other secluded locations while in the winter we shot in nice hotel rooms and other indoor places. Since I was very comfortable being seen naked when I went off to college, I earned spending money at Oberlin as a nude artist and photographer’s model for other students and a few professors. Not glamour stuff. I just wasn’t pretty or busty enough for that, but real artists liked me. What became of the vast majority of those photos I have no idea. That was way before the internet. Once I had a good many, but almost all of them are long lost. The ones that have survived are in those boxes in the attic that I haven’t opened since I taped them up before I got married. The same boxes have the sex videos of me and my friends from the nineties, mostly from Atlanta in the last few years before I got married. I’d actually not thought about all that old stuff for years until this week.”

Caitlin asked, “Do you think any of your photos are floating around the web?”

Marcy answered “Likely so, but that first year I was so obviously not eighteen I think the collectors who have those prints and negatives would be hesitant to post them. Since my birthday is in September, I was eighteen most of my senior year so I was of legal age; but no, I’ve never had anyone who has seen a photo and said ‘oh this is Marcy as a teenager.”

“Wendy taught me one more thing. Or perhaps it would be better to say she explained what Aunt Margarete was trying to teach everyone in the troop. She taught me that sex was a totally normal and even expected part of friendship. Up until she explained it to me, I just assumed that having sex with someone indicated at least a desire for a romantic relationship. Wendy taught me that while most good sex is based on a relationship; that relationship is usually one of respect, affection, and friendship rather than romance. She was the one who put into my head the idea that as we moved into the summer, it would be quite normal and a positive thing for me to have ongoing sexual relations with most of the Northshore Players. And that is what happened on the road that summer… except it was not most of them, it was all nineteen of the other troop members. I had sex with every one of them on an ongoing basis from the first weeks of that summer until fifteen months later when the troop cast changed after the second summer tour.”

She stopped the narrative and said “One thing I think all five of you girls now understand is that you can have many kinds of relationships that include sex. Having a deep soulful relationship with one person doesn’t mean you can’t have sex within a fun friendship with someone else or have an erotic, passionate and sensual relationship with a third person.” She looked at Bailey. “Your hot desire to have sex with Caitlin doesn’t take away from your love for Sarah does it?”

Bailey quickly answered “No. Not at all.”

Marcy followed up with “And does Sarah’s growing love for Lamar threaten her love for you?”

“No” came Bailey’s answer.

Marcy turned to Misty “And does your love for Caitlin mean you can’t have deep feelings for Haley and Kelli? Does the fact you have sex with all three of them take anything away from any of those relationships?”

Misty said “No. Of course, it doesn’t.”

Marcy then made her point. “We are told love and sex is supposed to be given to one person at a time. That is utter nonsense. While those first months with the Northshore Players I began to understand that my mother could love both my father and Aunt Margarete at the same time, it was Wendy who taught me that lesson in a practical way. For my first two years with the Northshore Players, Karl was my most intimate friend and my first love; Kathern was my lover for whom I had a passionate sexual desire that seemed to be unquenchable. Margarete and I had a relationship that is hard to describe, a blend of second-mother and lover. With her, sexual intimacy was about comfort and feeling safe and wrapped in her love even as I knew I was also playing surrogate for my own mother in her bed. With all three of them, group sex including a constantly changing panoply of others was the norm; but they were only accessories to my relationship with them. Sex with Wendy was different. She was my mentor, my role model, and my friend. Sex with her was fun and light-hearted. When we had sex and other people were there, they weren’t just accessories. We simply expanded our friendship to bring them in and we all had fun together. It was with Wendy I learned to be the sex fairy who was like a hummingbird going from flower to flower taking nectar from them all. As the sex fairy, in my first two years with the Players I had sex with every single person in the troop; but not necessarily for love. I had sex for all sorts of different reasons. If I saw someone who was down, I could be counted on to use my sexuality to cheer them. If the group was bored, I could put on a show. If I saw someone (a guy or a girl), who I thought needed a sexual release, I simply flew over to them like a good fairy and sprinkled my fairy dust on them to bring forth an orgasm. That kind of sex was not the same thing as what I did with Karl or Margarete or Kathern; yet, it was not cheap or shallow either. It was my way of showing love and getting meaning for myself. As Sloshy the Fairy, sex was a tool to bring happiness to the world. I thought of sex as my special magic to make life better for those around me.”

Bonnie couldn’t help but say “That is a truly beautiful way of looking at it.”

“I think so” Marcy said. “It made those early years truly wonderful. But again, I’ve gotten a little ahead of myself. For me, having sex with Karl the first time was important, as was the first time he and I had sex in front of the company; but it was the week after I had my threesome with Kathern and her boyfriend that my free-love life really started. It was a night that would foreshadow hundreds of nights over the next four years. On Friday night, as she said she would, Aunt Margarete went down on me for the first time.” Marcy let out a little snort. “You talk about fireworks. What I’d done with Kathern a few nights before was a pale comparison to what Margarete put me through. Not only did she get me off over and over and over again, but several times she did it while Karl’s dick was in my pussy and in my ass. Like I said before, she didn’t have any boundaries. Not only did she go down on me while Karl screwed me, but she didn’t stop when he’d cum.”

“At the time I was in LaLa land so I didn’t think about it while it was going on; but the next day I realized she had, in the process, put his entire penis in her mouth several times. When he ejaculated the first time, into my vagina she licked his shaft when he pulled out and then immediately began to eat his semen out of me. That became the norm when it was the three of us. Earlier I told you that on a couple of occasions I saw her simply mount and fuck him till they both climaxed. Though I never inquired nor did they ever offer the details, I’m pretty sure when it was just the two of them, she sucked or fucked him on a regular basis. She truly embraced the pleasure principle, but didn’t seem to understand that just because it felt good to her didn’t mean it felt good to Karl. Importantly I never once saw her ask Karl if he wanted her to do something with him in bed, never. She just did it and expected that if she wanted to do it that he wanted to do it too. Even when I saw her get on top and fuck him, she didn’t ask even though she knew full well he’d said repeatedly I was the only girl he wanted to do that with. Like with the girls who mounted him in group sex, Karl never voiced an objection; but passively accepting is not the same as wanting it.”

Bonnie was the one to interrupt Marcy to launch a discussion about active consent.

When Marcy began again she said. “One day he told me how, when the very first time he’d had a wet dream in they’d found semen in their bed when they woke, his mom had been super excited. The next night she’d had him snuggle up close so that in the morning his semen was on her rather than on the sheets. Since well before that she’d had him tasting the cum that men had left on her body when they had gone, it seemed just natural that she suggested he lick his off of her. Though, I should let you know, that he told me he’d not objected to either and actually liked doing it; so she wasn’t forcing him to do it, only suggesting and he readily complied. But, at this stage in my life, I can clearly see in that case that such a suggestion, was inherently coercive even though neither he nor I saw that back then. More than once he told me how he liked kissing both his mom and me on our body and lips when we tasted like cum. So, even as a young teenager, he had developed his semen fetish. I’d known Aunt Margarete had left something out when she had told me he’d joined her with Vic and Len. I’d been right, she’d left a lot out.”

Again, Bonnie was glad Marcy was alerting the girls to the importance of boundaries, consent, and subtle coercion; but she did not say anything.

“But,” Marcy said “She must have had an idea that others saw what she did with Karl as problematic. I never recall her ever touching his penis with her lips or riding his dick if anyone but me was there.” She paused as if thinking. “Like I said, the relationship with the three of us was complicated. That night was also the first time she called me Becky. That is my mom’s name. She told me many times, that with the lights out, making love to me was exactly like making love to my mother.”

Sarah put in “That is the same thing Zara said about me and you.”

Marcy pulled her girl tight again “Oh, I know. When I heard you say she had said that it was like a circle had been completed.” She laughed. “I have no doubt that Aunt Margarete would have some metaphysical mumbo jumbo to explain the cosmic synergies. She believed it all, even the stuff I knew she was making up. But… perhaps we do have some sexual psychic energy that runs in our family.”

Haley briefly sidetracked Marcy’s story when she told about her night last month with a couple her mother had been doing it with for a couple of years. To Bonnie that still seemed a bit hard to imagine; yet she and Misty had both had sex with Zara and Brett. She had to acknowledge that among their group sharing between generations was already happening.

When finally, Marcy regained the floor, she said, “That first night I had full sex with Aunt Margarete, we did one other thing that became a staple of our times together. As Kurt held me from behind fucking my ass slowly, Aunt Margarete and I were on our sides face to face with her holding me tightly against her big squishy breasts. With our legs intertwined we were able to ride each other’s thigh to orgasm as Kurt worked his dick in me. This became something we did nearly every Friday night. After a few months of doing it, all three of us could climax right in succession. It sort of became our ending pose and we would go to sleep all tangled up like that. Though I didn’t go down on her that week, I did the week afterward. From that night on, both of them were very much my lovers, though I never knew if Aunt Margarete was making love to me or to my mother through me. There was a part of me that was thrilled by the knowledge I was filling my mother’s role. It was something I could do for her to make up for what she’d given up for me. By the time the summer tour started, everyone in the company knew that Margarete, Kurt, and I were in some sort of a relationship; though no one, not even me, could give it a name.”

Once again, the narrative detoured. This time with a discussion about how to label different kinds of relationships. After fifteen minutes Bonnie suggested they come to that topic later so that Marcy could finish her story. Everyone agreed.

Marcy resumed. “The next week, it was arranged that Kathern would take me home Monday night. Since we had the keys, we just waited for the others to leave the rehearsal hall then she, Len, and I had sex on the posing platform for about forty-five minutes before she drove me home. I was on time that night. The next evening at rehearsal, after I’d done my soliloquy, I went backstage to find Kathern riding a guy named Nic, the same Nic who had been fucking Karl for months, in one of the folding chairs. She was totally naked. There were perhaps ten people back there watching her go at it. Without any hesitation, I went over and began to kiss her and caress her breasts. After a few minutes, she asked if I wanted to give Nic a try. Rather than answering, I just pulled my tee shirt over my head and kicked off my pants. I wore no bra or underwear. She got off of Nic and I took her place on his rather thick dick. It was my first experience with totally casual sex. I enjoyed fucking him while Kathern and I continued our kissing. Just as much, I enjoyed everyone watching me as I did it.”

“Two nights later was my three-hour-long painting session. After they’d gotten all the photos they wanted, I went to wash off my body paint. Wendy followed me over to the shower and asked if she could help me. I knew what she was really asking. Soon we were having standing sex with a fair group of people watching us. It was our first time… the first time of many, many times we made love over the years.”

“Rehearsal had ended by the time we moved from the shower to the posing platform, Wendy asked me if she could invite Troy, who was a crew member, to join us. I agreed and he did. While the three of us were going at it hot and heavy, Aunt Margarete came into the curtained-off area and let me know my mother was outside waiting for me. Wendy looked up from eating me out to tell my aunt that she would be glad to take me home when we were done. I kinda would love to know what Aunt Margarete told my mom when she went out to ask if I could ride home with Wendy.”

The girls laughed and made several ‘colorful’ comments.

Marcy didn’t get sidetracked this time and went on. “She did not tell us what she’d said, but my mother gave me permission to ride home with Wendy when we were done. That also was the first of many. However, she had my aunt remind me that I had to be home by 11:00. And so, it began. I had vaginal or oral sex with at least one person virtually every time we rehearsed for the next two years, and very often I did it with more than one person. In the two years after that, my last two years of high school, I was having sex at the rehearsal hall less frequently, but I think I can say I had sex once or twice a week at or after rehearsal pretty much every week. That reality didn’t become obvious until the fall because we only had two more full weeks before we moved to our three months of performances on the road.”

“Though our formal dress rehearsal didn’t come until the Friday night before Memorial Day; on the Saturday before, we rehearsed in full costumes because Dorcus was shooting photos that would be used for publicity. It was the first time we tried to use the nipple and pussy pasties and I hated them. After she did some close-ups of me with them on, she let me take them off and the make-up crew spent half an hour fixing the parts that had been ruined. That was when we agreed that I’d just go bare.”

“All that last week as we prepared for the first performance, we used our costumes. While I had full body paint on Saturday and Friday, the rest of the week I had only partial make-up, so I was effectively nude in my transparent leotard and diaphanous cape.”

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This is one of the most interesting and deep stories yet in this book. What Marcy went through and enjoyed being part of the show should not be illegal. point blank. The question is, how to care for people like Karl, who tended to be less autonomous and did whatever was expected of him.


Nov 07, 2022

Whew! I don't have moral objections as much as I do practical ones. Margarete and Karl's sexual interactions don't match my hunch that evolution has eliminated desire between close relatives. Baboon males leave the tribe and join another. It's females among chimps. I've heard about a study of kibbutz-born children; people in the study never married within the kibbutz in which they were raised, suggesting that proximity dampens desire.

Adult-child sex, particularly with physically mature teens, wouldn't be intrinsically harmful, but could damage the children if it were contrary to their desires, or distracted them from what they ought to be attending to—studies, socialization with their own generation, other developmental stuff. Also, pretty as they are, kids can be pretty…

Mar 24, 2023
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I'd like to know some bonobos—the ones we share 98% of our DNA with and the hundred percenters.


Nov 07, 2022

The Sixties, 70's and early Eighties were decades of finding a new sexual narrative after the Pill, Woodstock, Vietnam, and AIDS. We are still searching for that new sexual narrative, although I believe Marc Gafni and Kristina Kinkaid opened the door with their book A RETURN TO EROS. But that is another debate. Marcy's story tackles tough sexual questions that challenged the sexual morality of her time and even ours: underage sex, incest, sex as performance art, free sex and so many more. We still don't have the answers to many of the questions, but sex is not and can never be just a bodily function to be enjoyed with no consequences. Sex without soul/spirit/love is animalistic and leaves us…

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Oh.... I put the Nami Wolf book on my Audible list.

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