Updated: Aug 27, 2020
Threesomes are some of the most common of sexual fantasies, and among both young and old people the taboo of a threesome is all but gone. Even conservative married couples now don’t see a threesome as beyond the pale.
What we all need to understand is that what most people from young teens to retirees know about threesomes comes from videos. Like it or not, PornHub and similar site are THE sex education for most people considering new things. When we say “sex ed” we naturally think of kids and teens; however, for many many adults, they are turning to porn to see what is expected of them in new situations. To deny that is to put your head into the sand.
Threesomes in the real world basically come in three varieties. One is when an established couple invites a friend or even acquaintance to share their bed for fun. The second is when three friends or acquaintances, of any gender, just decide to have sexual fun with no romantic attachments. The last, and the least common, is a stable “thruple” of three people all romantically attached.
Commercial porn sets up all sorts of preposterous scenarios for having a threesome which sets up all sorts of false exceptions. I am not a fan of most commercial porn especially when it comes to portraying how threesomes and group sex. However, there are two kinds I fully support: high concept erotic art videos and videos made by normal couples of their own love making.
One one end is the really highly produced visually beautiful videos of what is clearly fantasy sex. These sorts of videos don’t pretend to be anything more than a beautiful dream. When well done we see sex as an art form that has both physical beauty paired with the uplifting value of ensuring your partner’s needs are met.
Companies like X-Art, Sexart, Sinfulxxx and Hegre-Art and others produce beautifully made fantasies that are always sex positive. Like watching a ballet or a professional athlete we know that these people are pros and they are presenting an idealized version of sex.
Now, since I’ve shot erotica, I know full well that shooting great sex images precludes natural sex, but I’m not sure everyone else knows that. A good way for people (young and old) to see artistic erotica as beautiful but artificial is to watch “making of” videos like this one by Hegre-Art (a link to the finished video is further down.) To me this video rings true to my experience even though I was shooting stills and I was not working with professional models.
I would recommend one thing though. While places like Pornhub are great for finding production companies you like, I think it is obligatory that you support them financially by joining their site. I try to buy one annual membership at one of these erotic art sites each year. If we do not support sex positive erotic art, then there won’t be any.
But not all great videos of sex positive threesomes need to be professionally made.
On the other end is the really great “real” sex of normal people. For a long time “home made” sex videos were terrible due to the video and sound quality. But in the last few years, that has all changed. Now there is a huge supply of videos of just normal people and couples having sex with friends and acquaintances. All make good videos
Additionally, seeing normal body types are important. We should not have to teach it, but a lot of men think a woman who is size 2 is inherently better in bed than a size 18 woman. Anyone who has been with a lot of women know better. But, the issue is not those with a lot of experience, but rather those with little or none.
I ran across this couple’s videos and thought I’d share some. What stands out to me is how much like our sessions with men have been. Even down to the very fact that the husband occasionally sucks the man’s dick as well. In the first and second they are in hotels with two different guys.
In this third video of the same couple, they call a friend but start fucking before he get’s there. He comes over, the both suck him and he fucks her till he cums. After the friend leaves, he asks her to ride his face so he can eat the other guy’s cum. After he’s done that they fuck again till he cums. After they are done the talk and sunggle then he eats his cum out of her. This is so how it really is. In pro videos you don’t get that human interaction.
For younger people it might be hard to relate to a video of middle aged people; but fortunately, young people today LOVE to video themselves having sex (and I don’t blame them). The problem is to curate a collection that weeds out those young people trying to make “porn” from those just having fun. One key feature to look for is how the people in the video interact. If they never talk to each other or laugh, that is not a video to add to the collection. This is a good example of young people just having fun. This seems to be just three friends with no “couple” involved.
It is easier than ever to build a collection of sex-positive amateur videos that build reinforce the expectation and values that you want to instill. Realize that masturbating to any sort of image creates a powerful psychological link between what you are watching and the pleasure you receive. In effect you are both Pavlov and his dogs. You are creating your own feedback loop, so make sure the video shows the behaviors and values you want to cultivate.
This is important for adults, but it can make or break a teenager who is still developing his/her arousal pattern.
This brings us to a sticky wicket.
In the US, there is a paranoia about teens and sexual images. Despite the fact that studies have shown that virtually all kids are looking at porn by the time they are fourteen, adult are still under the illusion that they can just tell them not to do it.
They can’t. In the real world the best a parent can do is to guide and shape the kind of sexual images their developing teens see.
I understand and agree that most...the vast majority of sexual videos teach the wrong lessons about relationships, body image and even the mechanics. Boys are learning that the average guy has a 9-10″ penis...almost twice the size of the actually average of 5 1/2″. Girls are taught that only skinny girls with big boobs are desirable, and that things like facials and anal sex are expected. Worse yet, all too often the women are not treated with respect. They are clearly seen as sex robots that naturally want to fuck any guy who comes along.
That is NOT the lesson teenage boys or girls need to learn.
Here is the conundrum. While parents have an obligation to help ensure their teens make good choices, they also must be careful not to seem to be overly “helpful.” This is for two reasons. One is that many teens resist parental help and if a gets pushy by parent saying “watch this” the teen might do the opposite. Even more a threat is that in many localities, if a parent says “Here’s a great sex video I think you will like” they run the risk of being charged with child abuse. So this like so many things must be addressed carefully.
With modern technology it is easy to both provide access to the right kind of things while not seeming pushy and having plausible deniability.
In the 70′s my parents “stored” a large box with years and years of old Playboy. Penthouse and other magazines in a closet in the hallway that had the three kids rooms. This was a great way to give us unfettered access while not directly participating.
With our kids we made no effort of hiding my portfolio that had nude and erotica images that I had shot. They actually saw me shooting nudes in my home studio and the study desktop was not pass-worded. Since they saw me editing nude and sex images and I never restricted access to the study. And in the the family’s collection of video tapes (and later DVD’s) were a few high quality erotic videos. (When they were in those important years video streaming was not yet )
Additionally the same study computer also had videos of Mom and Dad having sex and even of Mom having sex with her best friend (who the kids knew very well). We didn’t password or try to hide those ether since the kids knew we had an open marriage and a rule we did not shut the door when we had sex. All that to say we too took the passive approach. In all but families who are even more open about sex than we were, that will likely be the easiest and safest approach
With today’s tech it is even easier than when our kids were teens.
Simply buy a membership of one of the great erotic art video production companies and make sure the whole family has access to it via the family’s network. That is not pushing at all nor is is “giving them porn.”
Though I have been speaking of learning about threesomes, not all people in your home may have have had couples sex. While there is a lot to be said for home videos, there is merit in exposure to couples sexuality as pure art as in this amazing ballet like Hegre-Art video.
No matter how parents choose to do it, it is imperative that they take steps to help shape their children's exposure to sexual photos and videos. Just saying “no” doesn’t work. I know that goes against what many other “experts” say, but I have sufficient credentials to claim to be an expert in these things as much as anyone.
In conclusion I suggest that until a person has an extremely wide set of sexual experiences, the sexual videos they watch are shaping their perception of what sex is an should be. Curate it with intentionality.