Forum Posts

sugarlessroark
Founders Club
Founders Club
Apr 18, 2022
In Ask Paula
Dear Mrs. Polyamory, you appear as a kind of a hero in your husband's writings, a sexual adventuress, and the model for Bonnie Campbell. As a 73-year old man, I find myself craving a broader sexual experience, partly stimulated by your household's philosophy and exploits. Looking back as far as I can remember, that craving's been there, but I'm more keenly aware of it now. I'm trying to simultaneously let go of that desire and to figure out how to satisfy my itch. (You can't have it both ways, but I'm trying. Call me Schrodinger's Chicken.) My question for you is "Are you an outlier, or am I being obtuse?" My wife of 43 years is not sexually adventurous. (Enough said about that: privilege of the bedroom. Believe me that I speak from deep affection and understanding.) My fairly broad female acquaintance, though generally "sex positive", seem as though they would consider a pass from me as out of line. They are mostly educated, within ten years of my age, some queer, all politically liberal, and tolerant of other people's—at least—romances and lusts. Sheila even came to terms with her son's setting up housekeeping with a married woman and man. I'm in Minneapolis, so maybe it's a regional thing. Maybe it's because the women I meet are feminists: I support anybody's struggle for agency and self actualization, but enough men are rats that the open-loving style in the Campbell household could easily be interpreted as being on the same spectrum as sexual harassment. I would not want to become unwelcome at the places where I meet women, two life drawing co-ops and a kitchen where I chop carrots and marinate tilapia for sick people. Anyway, your behavior is that of an outlier. Do you think you are one inside as well?
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sugarlessroark
Founders Club
Founders Club
Mar 04, 2022
In Ask the Professor
I am a septuagenarian man. I am multi-orgasmic. Here is the recipe. It is for masturbation. So far, I have been unable to be fully multi-orgasmic during partner sex, but partner sex has become even more enjoyable. One way it has become more enjoyable is that I have experienced sympathetic orgasms, that is, I have come when my partner has, without any contemporary stimulation of my penis, anus, tongue, or nipples. There are three components to this technique: complete relaxation, attention to deliberate and delicate touch, and a certain kind of breathing. This breathing is difficult to describe, so I will begin with it. The difficulty is that it requires flexing muscles whose names neither you nor I know. I haven’t been able to think of another behavior in which I do what I do when pleasuring myself this way, although I could make a sound, if we were in the same room, and you would be able to hear that sound and know what I’m suggesting. Aaaangngnngng. There. Here’s an exercise to get you closer to know what muscles to flex. The next time you yawn, notice that the identifying feature of the yawn is muscular. Yawning’s muscular action is not the action that you want for this technique, but your attention is in the right neighborhood now. Lie on your back. If you use a pillow, put it under your neck rather than under your head. Tilt your head back and open your jaw wide. You want your throat as open as it can be. Experiment with ways of changing your throat’s shape. Exhale. Begin the breath high in your chest. Imagine that your windpipe continues past your lungs, and goes all the way to your penis. As you exhale, feel the breath coming from lower and lower in this imaginary windpipe. (Remember that this is all one exhalation.) As the breath goes lower, expand your belly. This is contrary to normal breath in which the belly contracts to help the diaphragm push the air out. What I think I’m doing is stimulating the Vagus Nerve, a nerve which leaves the brain via the roof of the mouth and travels through the lungs and gut, reaching as far as the genitals. (I have read that researchers have traced the Vagus Nerve as far as the cervix in women, speculating that it goes as far as the clitoris. My source didn’t mention men, but I would imagine that it goes to homologous places in the male body.) So, let’s call this Vagus Breathing. Relaxation is essential. Don’t try to get aroused or feel stimulated. That will come. Just let the fuck go! I have some theories about the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, but they’re probably bullshit. After you have Vagus Breathed one time, take five normal breaths. With each breath, sink back into relaxation. Let go completely. If you have a meditation practice, you might use it for these five breaths. I follow Emily Fletcher’s Ziva method, which is completely secular, and New Age-free. Her book is Stress Less, Accomplish More. The meditation isn’t necessary for this technique (although it’s a good idea in general). It’s just a sure way to relax, and relaxation is absolutely necessary. Go through several cycles of Vagus Breathing and five-breath relaxation before stimulating yourself with your hand. What you want is a mild excited sensation in your body, particularly your gut, chest, and the roof of your mouth, a sensation that feels more like caffeine than sex. At first, you may do the Vagus Breathing a bunch, and not get it. That may be because you haven’t gotten the muscular part right, you didn’t relax, or you started jacking off. I hope you enjoyed your ejaculation. Try again later or tomorrow. It will happen. It took me a while to figure it out. Eventually, you will be able to use your hands as soon as you start the breathing, and get orgasms, even without the five breaths. Even after you become expert, though, you will find that relaxing breaks and delaying gratification, will intensify the experience. Once you have established the excited sensation in your body, you may gently, delicately, tentatively begin to touch yourself. For a long time, I got more satisfaction from stimulating my nipples than from my penis. This may have been because I was so used to rushing ahead to make myself squirt, that I couldn’t savor all the pleasure that my penis can feel. Let’s talk about what I’m calling an orgasm. Hot jism doesn't gush from the meatus of the urethra, and you don’t get the attendant contraction and release of the muscles behind your balls. A fair amount of clear fluid may seep out, but there’s no rush of semen. (Having masturbated the way I’m describing for a half hour or so, you may find your ejaculatory orgasms to be more explosive, and longer than usual, but forget about that for the time being. Once you’ve squirted, you’re done.) What it does feel like is a sudden, pleasurable, involuntary tensing of your body. My back arches and my knees come up, then I rock my hips forward, and stretch my legs, tensing their fronts and my abdomen, especially my lower belly. Sometimes my head lifts, and it can ratchet up and down for a couple of seconds. I continue my Vagus breathing and touching myself through and after the orgasm, although I may move my hands from my penis to my nipples or vice versa. One orgasm may follow another closely, but they are not continuous. As the sensation builds to another orgasm, I redouble my relaxation. I try not to come, but the sensation gets so strong that I can’t help it. It is a wonderful sensation, but so is the sensation between orgasms. When I tell you to touch yourself delicately, I’m not kidding. I barely touch the tips of my nipples at first. (After they stiffen, they want stronger manipulation.) I keep breathing, and sink back into relaxation. At the beginning of a session, it helps to take the five-breath breaks. It took me a while to figure out how important the breaks are, and how nice it is to let my muscles loosen. The next time you have sex, solo or partnered, notice how you tense your muscles to move closer to coming. To succeed with this technique, you’re looking for something else. It’s going to get every bit as intense as you'd like in a few minutes. When I discovered masturbation, I noticed that the initial sensation felt nice, and I sort of promised myself that I would linger on it next time. The urge to come was too powerful for my prepubescent willpower, and every time I’d rush ahead to ejaculation. It took me decades to get back to the real pleasure. I am circumcised, so uncut men will have to adapt my technique to their own penises’ landscapes. There is a tiny ridge, urethra side, leading up to the cleft in my glans where the semen comes out. It is the color of my shaft, rather than of the glans, and maybe a millimeter wide and less than a centimeter long, ramping from shaft to glans. It pretty much disappears when I get hard. I touch this and the puckery skin around it with a fingertip. How hard? Just barely. Maybe I stroke it, but slo-o-o-o-owly. Maybe I keep the finger still, the erotic charge spreading from the site of contact. No matter what my fingers are doing, I keep my attention on the sensation. Take a five-breath break. (After a while you can take a lot of Vagus Breaths between breaks.) Return to stimulating yourself, beginning with the Vagus Breath. What you want is to strengthen the breath's sensation, then give it a boost with gentle erotic stimulation. It’s actually more pleasurable at first when your penis is soft. As you learn what you’re doing, the sensation of getting hard feels pretty great, but beginners, stay soft. If I get hard doing this, the erections are long-lasting. Sometimes I will do some non-vagus breath-work to make a hard on go away. The feeling of touching my penis after breathing a hard on away is more pleasurable. As you continue, you will linger longer on your penis, but don’t try to go fast or stroke yourself too firmly. The point, and what will get you the full-body, non-ejaculatory orgasms, is to savor every moment. I do touch my nipples pretty firmly, but not my penis. I suspect that everybody’s practice will be different, so I haven’t gotten too detailed about how to touch yourself. I will say that I’ve found that lubricant gets in the way. That this can go on quite a while probably tells you something about the delicacy with which you need to touch yourself. I’m curious about whether this will work with women. My wife thinks it would be too much trouble, so if this appeals to any female readers, let me know how it works. Men, too. When I started masturbating decades ago, I thought I’d discovered the secrets of the East. Little did I know how common what I was doing is. This time, I think I’m on to something. Crib Sheet: Vagus Breathe; Tilt your head back and open your mouth, breathing out through a widened windpipe. As you exhaust your breath, expand your belly. Relax; take five normal breaths between Vagus Breaths, sinking deeper into relaxation with each exhalation. Touch yourself very gently, focusing your attention on the sensations of sexual pleasure.
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sugarlessroark
Founders Club
Founders Club
Jan 10, 2022
In Photograhpy
The Professor has curated an exhibit of “Modern Art Nudes” that’s excited me almost as much as this website itself has. Twenty varied examples of how an artist might treat the naked, mostly female, body have helped me think about my own picture making. I’m a beginner, but the pictures he’s chosen have helped me think about where I want to go…and shown me that there is a company of artists who are already showing us the electric animal that we are. “Belechenko Nude Master.” This is a bravura example of painting’s version of orchestral music. The drawing is precise. Every little shape has to agree. In fact there probably is a pencil drawing that took a day or days under the paint. Over that, Belechenko painted the entire composition in gray or other monochrome—a “grisaille”. After that layer dried, he painted several transparent layers, each one drying before he painted the next. Light penetrates to the grisaille and bounces back, mixing the colors in the various layers to give us the colors we see. I’m not good at recognizing the distortions of photographic lenses, so I looked at the grout lines to see if they were bent—evidence of the artist’s using a projection in his initial drawing. They don’t bend, but you can see that they do not converge at the same vanishing point. This might be a mistake, or it might be an element of design. This is a picture by somebody who knows what he’s doing, and took months to complete. Couple Making Love. I can’t tell for sure what medium this artist used, oil, acrylic, tempera, but it was done more quickly than the Belechenko. Still, the artist knew how to draw, and to paint surfaces that give us a sense of the figures’ masses. He or she intelligently minimized the heads’ detail and weathered the edges to show us what’s really important, the naked, loving bodies. I’m a little disturbed by the position of the woman’s ass; the models must have been cushioned in a way that lovers wouldn’t to give us this view. Summer Days 2, Sedai Temura. A statuesque woman, by a mountain lake. I can’t help but feel that the model posed in a studio, and the artist inserted the figure into the landscape. Not cheating, really, but I’d rather I couldn’t tell. The woman’s staff appears to be a dried weed, which clashes with her monumentality. I’m quibbling, though. I like this image and the story that it’s telling. Redheaded woman on a mossy stump. This is a stunning example of hyperrealism. The colors are great, and the depth of field spot-on. This is my favorite piece in the collection. Eight (or nine if you include the hand entering the picture via the left margin) happily nude people, women, children, and a man, with deer, and a french horn, in a fantastic mountainous landscape. This is by Susannah Martin, and American living in Germany. I’m guessing this is a large picture, executed over a grid—or maybe several grids—working from several photographs. Her gallery’s website says she paints “Adams and Eves, freshly banished from the Garden of Eden,” but I think they’ve got it wrong. These Eves and Adams are still in the Garden, as might we be. Another Susannah Martin, Eve dazzled by the beauty of the feeding birds, who, unthreatened, allow her to approach. This is a late-career Phillip Pearlstein. Pearlstein is a contemporary of the Pop Artists. What I think he was doing (is doing? He’s alive and 97) was using objectively painted figures to make compositions like the Abstract Expressionists. I’ve usually found his figures bloodless. Like this one, they are often cropped to keep faces from robbing interest from the composition. Woman with bare breasts and large necklace in front of Tibetan Buddhist iconography. The fore and backgrounds are nicely balanced. I wonder whether this is meaningful—perhaps a memento mori—or just exotica. Another Pearlstein. This time, he’s included two faces and a penis. The ring and little fingers of the man’s right hand are folded under, as well. All of these are things that draw the eye, reducing the strength of the composition. I like this. Pretty naked virgin with roses. My least favorite, but the artist has chops. A strong studio nude with violin. Once again, I’m impressed by the artist’s ability. The model looks like somebody I’d have the opportunity to draw. Yet another Pearlstein, Model with Speedboat and Kiddie Car Harness Racer. There’s something I don’t like about the model’s head, and the poor woman’s foot! Reclining Nude in a Sunny Upper-Story Room. I like this. It makes me think of Edward Hopper, but the woman is contemporary. The two bowls tell me somebody else is in the room. This is an Eric Fischl, and I identify with this close contemporary. If Susannah Martin paints us still in Eden, Fischl grieves our loss of Eden. I’ve never seen this one before, but the way Fischl works is to tell himself stories. He photographs a figure he likes, and paints it, juxtaposing it with other figures until something clicks. He uses Photoshop now, but originally he would make drawings on glassine and place them on the canvas. He’s not coy about what his stories are, but he wants viewers to create their own. Dig the little dog’s ear. Eve? She’s wearing a skirt, and caught in a tangle of vegetation. This has to be after The Fall. Extraterrestrial Nymphs Withdrawing the Broken Body of an Astronaut from His Crashed Capsule. The drowsing-lion sculpture places this one outside of time. Oh! for a world in which naked cheerleaders have nothing to do but lounge in fabulous ruins playing chess. Another Hopper-ish picture. Good composition, interesting color scheme. I think the pose is actually borrowed from a Hopper, but in that painting, the model is wearing a tight shift of camisole, and no pants. I'd like more of a story, to keep me from paying attention to the artist's references. I think there’s a similar scene in From Here to Eternity. Lovemaking is too seldom portrayed. Imagine telling a couple who are fucking like bunnies, “Hold that.” A woman who hosts a drawing co-op once told me a story about having fired a model who had suggested that he “stroke himself.” This was a guy whom I knew as a nudist, and who would stay nude during breaks for wine and conversation. My thought, though I didn’t say anything, was that it would have been enough to simply decline, and that I probably didn’t have the skill to draw a man masturbating. Art has the right, in fact the duty, to examine all of human behavior. Notice how your eye jumps right to the pomegranate, and you have to pull it back to examine the nude torso. Pretty good trick! The fruit’s red is the only saturated color in the picture. The rest of the composition is a play between warm and cool grays, but close to neutral. The model’s hair hides her eyes, so there’s no distraction there. The black and white drapery is pretty bold, and masterfully handled. You’d think that would be a distraction, but it’s only late in life that I’ve begun noticing all the silly sheets flapping in Renaissance and especially Baroque breezes. This artist could afford to put his fabric in the picture because nobody looks at it.
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sugarlessroark
Founders Club
Founders Club
Dec 15, 2021
In Polyamory & Open Marriage
https://www.naturistlivingshow.com/2021/12/naked-age-most-liberated-woman.html This interview is great! It's historically significant because the subject is one of the founders of Sandstone, a sexual retreat that was open in the late 1960s, maybe ground zero for the "Sexual Revolution." You get to hear a little old lady with a country, Missouri accent speak about sexual pleasure, and her belief that sexual openness was/is key to solving the environmental and social problems that that vex us. It's also significant because it is hosted by The Naturist Living Show podcast. Stephane Deschanes, Ontario naturist club owner, and maybe our moment’s most canny impresario and spokesman for socializing in the nude, introduces Evan Nix's interview with Barbara Williamson. For Deschanes, “Naturism is more than just taking your clothes off.” If I’ve got it right, being nude socially is a token of an ethical system that includes self respect, respect for other people, and respect for the environment. In past Naturist Living Show episodes, he has been comfortable with gay interviewees and with the use of the word “fuck” in answers to his questions. But he has made it clear that what his naturism, and Bare Oaks, his club, are about is not sexual. In a recent Deschanes-produced video, The First-Time Experience, one of the characters says about swinging, “That’s okay, but that’s not what this is about." Deschanes, a genuine liberal, has repeated this at least once since. In his intro to the interview with Williamson, Deschanes, only a little uncomfortable, says, Of course naturism is not about sex. We’re all sexual creatures, of course, but naturism specifically… We’re fighting to separate nudity, mere nudity, from sexuality, to prove that the two don’t have to be connected. But I think there’s no question that people who are sexually liberated are likely to be comfortable with naturism. After all, if you’re willing to be in liberal sexual situations, you’ll be more comfortable with nudity than most. And you’ll also have a more open mind when it comes to—obviously sexuality, but—also the human body and how society can work. And the movement (naturism), particularly in the sixties and the seventies, was promoted and grew because of the liberal sexual attitude that came in the sixties and seventies. In fact, the sexual liberation probably had more impact on opening up naturism than the other way around. Going back to the very early twentieth century, nudism/naturism came out of the lebensreform movement, as did free love, along with a bunch of other schemes for making what must have sometimes been a pretty grim life, better. Not every nudist was on board with free love. Richard Ungewitter, often called the father of nudism, seems to have been a prude. Still, there was an intersection between nudists and free lovers. The nudists made a tactical decision not to identify with the sexually liberated, to avoid alienating potential converts, because of some of their own sexual ethics, and to avoid legal sanction. The nonsexual nature of nudism became doctrine, club nudism forbidding displays of mere affection, such as chaste kissing and hand holding between wives and husbands. 1950s nudist leader, Mervin Mounce said that “nudists had freed their bodies but corseted their minds,” but even circa 1990, Naturist Society founder Lee Baxandall wrote that swingers didn’t belong in naturist clubs because they couldn’t be trusted to take "No" for an answer. You’ve got to hand it to Stephane Deschanes. History is bending a little toward sexual liberation.
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sugarlessroark
Founders Club
Founders Club
Jan 21, 2021
In Photograhpy
If I were to make an erotic video, I would want to document a sexual encounter between an attractive couple in a beautiful outdoor setting. I am thinking of a man and a woman, but the method could—and should—be used for portraying sexual pleasure between same-sex couples, groups of lovers, or fetish play. The man and woman would be an actual couple. They should be in the greedy, honeymoon stage of their relationship. Each should be sexually experienced, a sexual enthusiast, familiar with the other’s body and desires, but still discovering new things about the partner's body, desires, and responses. I said the couple should be attractive, but they should, more importantly, be interesting looking. I would rather film character than idealized beauty. Makeup would be minimal. I’m thinking of a forest setting with contrasts between dark and light, vegetation and stone, water and earth, and with the strong sense of space that comes from enclosure. (In "A Pattern Language," #106 Positive Outdoor Space, Christopher Alexander says, "Give each (space) some degree of enclosure using trees, hedges, fences, arcades, and trellised walks, until it becomes an entity with a positive quality and does not spill out indefinitely around corners." Nature does this randomly, but the videographer should be alert to the phenomenon, and use it to stage the lovers' arousal and climax.) The video would lovingly study their naked bodies as they stroll and explore their Eden, and follow them to the place where they make love. This space could be a clearing on a little hill, mossy and surrounded by mature oaks. There would be beautiful views and pools of sun and shade. There would be richly patterned fabrics and outsized pillows waiting. The couple would know that they are contributing to a work of art, but they should be artless and spontaneous. Their pleasure should be the absolute goal. To this end, they will be surrounded by hidden cameras and microphones, and there would be long-lensed, human-operated cameras on the opposite hills, and a drone overhead. The point would be to photograph the event of the couple’s lovemaking, as it unfolds. This would not be the finished product, but the skeleton of the film that is to be. Afterwards, the lovers and the director would view and discuss what they have produced. They will come up with a plan for shooting supplemental video. Then all would return to the forest setting, and the couple would reenact their lovemaking, working with the camera to give detail to the story of their fuck, to flesh out the skeleton. Crew would work inside the space where the lovers fuck. Necessary video would include closeups, different angles, faces during orgasm, etc. The rest of the project would happen in the editing studio, using the various videos to tell the story of a couple’s joining.
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sugarlessroark
Founders Club
Founders Club
Jul 23, 2020
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sugarlessroark

sugarlessroark

Founders Club
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