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A Sexual Orientation Paradigm

Updated: Oct 3, 2023

One of the reasons I began blogging was to clarify and organize my thoughts on topics. I am trying to lay out a systematic approach to the discussing the topic of sexual orientation. Based on my years or research and experience here is what I’m thinking. Yes this is a direct challenge to Queer Theory. Perhaps it might help you in thinking through this.

Part I - Truisms

  • Humans are born with an emotional need for belonging, affection and validation.

  • Humans are socialized to how to get their emotional needs met.

  • Until puberty humans do not develop a biological urge to have sex, though children are socialized to act in ways that mimic an internal sex drive.

  • By the time humans are aware of their sexual urges, they have already been socialized on how to express them and how to get them met.

  • The socialization process is vastly complex, too complex to systemize.

  • Genetically carried traits significantly impact the how the socialization impacts emotional and sexual desire.

  • Humans can get their emotional and sexual needs met from the same person (or type of person) or from deferent people (or types of people)

Part II - Implications

  • Prior to the onset of puberty, children do not have sexual needs; thus they do not have sexual preferences. What is often interpreted as early sexual orientation is the development of gender based patterns in meeting emotional needs.

  • When people say “Sexual Preferences” it usually is meant to mean several components of emotional attraction as well as sexual attraction; however, and there is reason to suggest all the different types of attraction will line up with one person, one gender or one group.

  • Emotional/Sexual attractions nearly always change over the life cycle and are impacted by very many things, including but not limited to: societal expectations, availability, life events, values changes and social status.

  • Efforts to shape, limit or encourage other peoples sexual/emotional attractions is a futile and often harmful project.

Part III- In Regard to Straight & LBGTQA et al.

  • No one is born heterosexual or homosexual because adult sexuality comes with puberty.

  • The complex nature of childhood gender role development defies an ability to attribute causes.

  • The concept of mono-sexual homosexual (i.e. gay & lesbian) is a socio political construct that is very modern in origin.

  • The rise of self-identity based on sexual interests as a common behavior has no precedent in human history and is a result of the decline of traditional ways of identity making (religion, class, family, profession, etc.).

  • Sexual identity should be seen to be more about identity and community than it is actually about sexual desires.

  • Most people will find themselves emotionally and or sexual attracted to both males and females over their adult life course, nearly half will act on that desire at least once.

  • Homoerotic imagery is a key element in mainstream commercial porn to feed and fill the gap between homosexual desires and behaviors.

  • Social history shows that absent social prohibitions to the contrary, most people will act on sexual attraction to both sexes

  • There is a growing rise in the acceptance of people who do not identify as part of the queer community to occasionally engage in homoerotic behavior.

  • The reason the gay/lesbian leadership attack the bisexual identity is that the very existence of bisexuals undermines their claim to be fundamentally “different” based on their perceived unique homosexual urges.

  • The proposition that western society could return to the normalizing of bisexual behavior as it was in the Hellenic world undermines Queer Theory which acts like a quasi-religion.

  • Hence the L/G leadership insists that humans must be mono-sexual

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Mar 22, 2021

I like this. It reminded me of a couple of things from my childhood. At the age of eight, I was a compulsive, but orgasmic masturbator. It helped to relieve the stress of being educated by illiterate Irish nuns. The other is a memory of having, at the age of four or five, penis-vagina contact with a certain teenaged babysitter. I've come to believe that this is imagined -- it didn't happen -- but I do have recollections of early recollections, dated by a household move. The point is that, at a very young age, I imagined, correctly, a specific sexual activity, and enjoyed (sort of) sexual pleasure long before the onset of puberty. I think that your idea that…


Mar 20, 2021

😀 Thanks for this post. I find this very interresting but I have questions. I agree that emotional/Sexual attractions change over the life cycle and are impacted by very many things. but I am not sure that children do not have sexual preferences. When I was a kid, I could not imagine that sex with other boys would be interresting. I had no sexual activities but I was attracted by nude women pictures only (my family was very conservative and nudism was forbidden, I had only pictures). Later I discovered that men were attractice too. But later.


Mar 20, 2021

this is like a mirror of my view on sex

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