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Of My Concerns about the Cuckold Fetish

I have noticed that the concept of being a cuckold husband has taken on a new meaning in recent years.

Traditionally a cuckold was the derogatory term for a man who’s wife has sex with other men. This word come from a time when wives were property and a man was expected to keep his wife under control. Further it was assumed that the husband had a full right to as many sexual partners as he could manage, but the wife had no sexuality other than to bear children. When a man was cuckolded it said not only was his wife not under his control, but he had allowed her to become a sexual being. Thus he was both a bad husband and weak man.

The concept of being a cuckold did not exist in the world of the elites where one’s family status by birth meant more than one’s gender. Thus a well-do-merchant might marry into a noble household, but it was understood he was the junior partner and should his wife take lovers among other nobles it was understood that was the price for “marrying up”. Had the same man married the daughter of merchant of similar or lower status, the impact of her infidelity would have been utter humiliation for the man.

I find it somewhat disturbing how the new fetish of cuckoldry has developed. Most often it is deliberately degrading to the husband . Reference to the man being a looser is very common and the woman is using sex as a club to beat him. By my vision, this is sex negative behavior. Sex should never be a weapon to harm anyone.

More disturbing though, is the overt racism. In the majority of the depictions called cuckolding, the woman is white and the man black. This might be rationalized away due the generally better physiques of black males and their larger average penis size (well supported by research); however, I think this falls flat. The real issue here is that the husband is being degraded by the fact his wife is with a black man. Thus, tacitly accepting the lesser value of the back male. It is like the inverse example of the merchant not being degraded by his wife bedding a nobleman. In the cuckold fetish the white man is degraded only partly because his wife’s lover has a big dick, but mostly because he has African heritage.

This line of thinking has deep roots here in the American south where the price for a black man having even consensual sex with a white woman of any class was death. I guess it concerns me that this undercurrent of the degrading nature of having a white woman have sex with a black man is still alive and well, and not just in the United States. Much of the cuckold stuff is coming from the UK.

As anyone who has read much of my blog would know, I’m a bottom sexually. I find nothing degrading about that. My wife dates and has sex with other men and that doesn’t make me weak. Rather, I would suggest that the fact I am not threatened by her sexual activities would suggest I am highly secure and confident about my own sexuality. It is the men who must dominate their wife who are wimpy and insecure.

The ones deserving of ridicule are not those of us who are happy to see their spouse enjoy all that life has to give, but those who are emotionally too small to accept it.

So, I am not a cuckold, though I do enjoy watching my wife with more virile men. I am not a cuckold though I enjoy giving her oral sex after she’s had another man’s penis in her. I am not a cuckold though my wife dates men (and women) on her own and beds them as she pleases.

So I would suggest some words are just too negatively focused to be part of a sex-positive lifestyle: pimp, whore and cuckold are among them.

The short video from which the image is derived his here. It is worth the few minute to watch.

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