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Our Decades of Open Marriage: Part 67

A Couple of Blog Posts

Post: September 25, 2014

I spent a restless night last night alone in our bed.  Paula spent the night with James in the Presidential suite of the best hotel in the area and is staying for breakfast.   It’s not that I object to her spending the night nor is it that I am jealous of his bedroom performance, but rather that I was just lonely.

This is not the first night that she’s spent with a lover.   Far from it, but this is the first time she’s spent the night since I’ve been unemployed.   When we first became polyamorous in the 1990’s I was working long hours as a Christian school principal and frankly the time she spent with her lover was a break for me.   But right now, stuck all day in an empty house and going to sleep in an empty bed is a bit depressing.  Sure, I am happy that she’s found a new love and given the fact the last time she was in bed with James she came home glowing with a report that he’d given her no fewer than 13 orgasms.   That makes me feel good knowing that despite my despondency about not working, she is not having to do without that important part of her life.    Long ago I came to embrace polyamory as a way that I help Paula to metaphorically have her cake and eat it too.   That makes me feel good that I have a way to ensure that I am part of her happiness even when circumstances make it hard for me to do so directly.

So, why is this harder for me today?   I feel like that housebound young mother that looks forward to her husband coming home to end the tediousness of her role as mommy.  So when Paula went to see James after work last night and did not come home, I just felt blue and lonesome.

Not that I resent our poly lifestyle, I would not want to live any other way; however, sometimes there is a price.


Post: October 10, 2014

Yesterday I got an email that took me off guard.  It was from a production company that makes reality shows for several major networks.  It said in part:

“We are currently developing a new series about Christian values and how people around the country express their Christianity in unique ways, whether it be through their career choices, their lifestyle choices or their relationship choices. This new series will be a clip show featuring personal stories in a heartfelt and honest way. I am reaching out to you because I wanted to see if you yourself were a Christian and if you would be interested in possibly sharing your positive views on Christian swinging with us!”

My response was this:

Thank you for the inquiry regarding open-marriage Christianity.  You might be surprised to know this but in the South-East and Mid-West, church going Christians are more common than secular leftists in the open-marriage community.   One of the most common discussions my wife and I have at clubs is on how do we reconcile our Christianity and our open marriage.  Just to let you know we don’t consider ourselves swingers but polyamorous. 

We would love to help you with your project; however, the social price (and career price) of “coming out” on TV would be far too high for us….at this time.  We certainly look forward to the day when we could go on a program such as you are developing but that day is not now.

If we can be of any help that does not require our public identity, we would be glad to help.


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Mar 31
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Ten years is a long time in today’s world. You were unemployed living in an open marriage with a wife doing her thing. Being lonely at home and feeling sorry for yourself is normal under these circumstances. You seemed to have found new employment and a way to keep yourself busy. The TV exposure might have changed the trajectory of your life, and now you have no qualms about exposure on the internet. I am grateful that you’ve shared your life on Liberum Sexus.   

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